Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat.

Eating
sugar
in excessive amounts has been
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
to
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
detrimental effects on health. A few individuals opine that it is the
government
's duty to decrease the proportion of
sugar
in citizen's diets,
whereas
others think that
this
is a personal responsibility. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views in detail and provide supporting examples to prove the latter statement takes precedence.
To begin
with, human
sugar
requirements vary
according to
the body structures, diseases, age, and some other factors.
Thus
, every person's adequate
sugar
intake is different.
For example
, a person with diabetes will need less
sugar
,
while
someone with low blood pressure will require more of it. So, people should take responsibility for their
sugar
consumption. Turning towards another view, if the
government
limits
sugar
intake through awareness programs and health campaigns, it might help to reduce the consumption of
sugar
in some populations.
However
,
this
step does not seem feasible as the
government
can only reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a few masses of the country and not every single person. In conclusion,
although
awareness by the
government
can lessen the
sugar
consumption of the public to some extent, I believe that it is a personal responsibility to manage own health.
That is
why taking care of personal
sugar
intake seems cogent.
Submitted by jeelthakkar9 on

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task response
Provide more specific and varied examples related to sugar consumption and its impact on health. Use statistical data or research findings to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but some ideas could be further developed and connected to enhance coherence. Ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main point or argument.
lexical resource
Utilize a broader range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and include specialized terms related to health and nutrition.
grammatical range
Expand sentence structures by including a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of articles.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • harmful
  • government intervention
  • policies and regulations
  • public health
  • individual responsibility
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • freedom of choice
  • balanced approach
  • food industry
  • sugar content
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • health problems
  • taxation
  • advertising restrictions
  • labeling requirements
  • reading food labels
  • natural sweeteners
  • cooking at home
  • moderation
  • balanced diets
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