IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

75.Some people say it is government’s responsibility to transport children to school, while otheres believe parents should transport their children to school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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Some say that the
government
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 has the obligation to take the pupils to
school
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,
while
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 others would argue that the
parents
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 are the ones that should transport their
children
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 to
school
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.
This
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 essay would argue that
although
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 the
government
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 might benefit from an educated community, the
parents
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 are the ones who should take them to
school
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. On the one hand, the
government
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 of some countries promote free education and all the accessory supports to students in view of creating a productive population in future, from which it can get long-run economic benefits in future. So the
government
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 should hire bus companies to pick up the
children
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 for free since in the future the
children
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 will gain economic benefits from the
government
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.
For example
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, a child, when he grows up and becomes an earning individual, is likely to spend more towards the state by means of taxes and fines.
However
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, I believe that
children
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 should spend
time
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 with their families.
On the other hand
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,
kids
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 after 4 years old will start spending less
time
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 with their
parents
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.
This
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 is because the kid will start going to
school
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 and
parents
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 need to work, and sometimes when the
parents
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 get home may continue working at home and do not have
time
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 to be with their
children
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. So the option of
parents
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 to take their pupils to
school
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 is an option for the
parents
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 to spend
time
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 with their
children
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, so the
kids
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 will not be unfamiliar with them.
For instance
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, in China is very normal for
children
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 will spend years with their grandparents because their
parents
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 need to work and do not have
time
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 to be with them, and
this
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 causes these
kids
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 to be not close to their
parents
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. I believe
that is
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 important for
parents
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 to spend
time
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 with their
children
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, so taking them to
school
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 will allow them to be closer. In conclusion,
although
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 the
government
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 should offer the best to their citizens,
parents
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 should spend more
time
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 with their
kids
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, so they are close to each other, and
that is
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 why, is preferable for
parents
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 to take their
children
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 to
school
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
The essay addresses both views, but the development of ideas is not clearly presented.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is present but could be improved by organizing the ideas more cohesively.
Lexical Resource
The range of vocabulary and language used is adequate but lacks precision and variety.
Grammatical Range
The essay shows a control of basic grammar structures but lacks complexity and variety.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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