The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
The graph above demonstrates the proportion of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
aged 65 and over in three countries.The range of the graph is from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
, the USA in the beginning had the highest percentage of
people
over the age 65 and over with Sweden in second place, and
Japan
at the lowest.Interestingly,
Japan
faces the most drastic change out of all the other countries. In 1940, the population of the
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
USA had the most percentage of
people
at
theage
Correct your spelling
the age
as and over,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
Sweden and
Japan
, accounting for 9, 7 and 5
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
ranking continued until the 1990s when Sweden overtook
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
and made it first place with 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
in the 2010s.
However
, surprisingly in the year
2040
Add a comma
2040,
show examples
the country with the highest percentage of
people
65 and over is
Japan
at 27 percent.
This
shows that families in
Japan
do not like to have children, and makes the country have more older
people
over the years.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, japan with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: