IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

An increase in the production of consumer goods results in damage to the natural environment. Why is this the case, and what solutions are possible?

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In the present time, it has been widely considered that the growth of the manufacturing of consumer products causes a negative effect on the natural environment.
This
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 essay first discusses the reasons for the scenario and the solutions to solve the environmental problem of
production
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.
To begin
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 with, it seems reasonable to consider that the
production
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 in a factory releases various types of
pollution
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.
For example
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, in the case of the automotive industry, the factory must consist of heavy machinery to produce the cars.
As a consequence
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, the
pollution
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 from the machinery will be released to natural substances
such
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 as air and rivers in the community.
Moreover
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, it leads to an increase in a ton of rubbish
due to
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 the increasing
production
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 which can be harmful and difficult to manage for the local community. To counter the issue, I personally believe that the government of the country must take action on the problem.
For instance
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, there should be regulations to dominate and control the
pollution
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 of the manufacturer.
Thus
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, the released
pollution
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 in the areas is possible to be reduced.
Additionally
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, on the customer side, there should be a reduction of over-consuming. To clarify the example, people should cease to consume fast fashion for their clothes. From
this
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 perspective, the
production
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 to respond to the demand of the customer will be decreased respectively. In conclusion,
although
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 it is undeniable that the rise of the manufacturing for consumer goods could not be avoided because of economic progress nowadays, to solve the drawbacks in terms of the environment resulting from the
production
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, the government could develop environmental laws and people in society should decrease their over-personal need to consume unnecessary things.

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task response
Ensure a more balanced argumentation with relevant counterpoints and supporting evidence
coherence and cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the overall coherence and cohesion
lexical resource
Expand your lexical range by using more varied and precise vocabulary
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence complexity

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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