IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagrams below.

#tourists #malaysia #dubai #report #university #lecturer #information #diagrams
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The given chart compares the information of travellers who visited
Malaysia
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 and
Dubai
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 in 8 years. All the categories
measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
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 in
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thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
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. By and large, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
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 of
tourists
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 in
Dubai
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 rose gradually over 8 years
while
Linking Words
 the number of
tourists
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 in
Malaysia
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 was an upward trend over the period. Around 100
thousand
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tourists
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 visited
Malaysia
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 in 1995 and it was more than double who visited
Dubai
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at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
year
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. Next
year
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,
Correct article usage
the visited
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visited
Replace the word
visits
show examples
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change preposition
to Malaysia
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 increased slightly
while
Linking Words
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
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 in
Dubai
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
number of tourists
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 in both countries climbed to around 200
thousand
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 in
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 two years. In 1998 the number of travellers in
Dubai
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 declined slightly to around 50
thousand
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 before rapidly increasing to approximately 325
thousand
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 in 2001 and both of the countries met at the same point in
this
Linking Words
year
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. Next
year
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,
tourists
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 in
Dubai
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 decreased slightly and climbed to 400
thousand
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 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 period
while
Linking Words
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dropped suddenly
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
tourists
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 in
Malaysia
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 to around 250
thousand
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 in
last
Linking Words
year
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.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
The essay provides a basic overview of the information but lacks depth and detail. The response to the task is incomplete and lacks comprehensive analysis and specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat present, but the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are poorly supported and connected, leading to a lack of coherence in the presentation of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in expressing ideas. There is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to improve the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, and the sentence structures could be improved for greater grammatical range. There is also a lack of sentence variety and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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