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Writing Samples /
Band 2

The number of tourists visiting Malaysia and Dubai from 1995 to 2003 is presented below. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown in the diagrams below.

#tourists #malaysia #dubai #report #university #lecturer #information #diagrams
The given chart compares the information of travellers who visited
Malaysia
 and
Dubai
 in 8 years. All the categories
measured
Add a missing verb
are measured
show examples
 in
thousand
Fix the agreement mistake
thousands
show examples
. By and large, the
proportions
Fix the agreement mistake
proportion
show examples
 of
tourists
 in
Dubai
 rose gradually over 8 years
while
 the number of
tourists
 in
Malaysia
 was an upward trend over the period. Around 100
thousand
tourists
 visited
Malaysia
 in 1995 and it was more than double who visited
Dubai
at
Change preposition
in
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 the same
year
. Next
year
,
Correct article usage
the visited
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visited
Replace the word
visits
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Malaysia
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to Malaysia
show examples
 increased slightly
while
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 in
Dubai
.
Furthermore
, the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
number of tourists
show examples
 in both countries climbed to around 200
thousand
 in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 two years. In 1998 the number of travellers in
Dubai
 declined slightly to around 50
thousand
 before rapidly increasing to approximately 325
thousand
 in 2001 and both of the countries met at the same point in
this
year
. Next
year
,
tourists
 in
Dubai
 decreased slightly and climbed to 400
thousand
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 period
while
 it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dropped suddenly
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
tourists
 in
Malaysia
 to around 250
thousand
 in
last
year
.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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task response
The essay provides a basic overview of the information but lacks depth and detail. The response to the task is incomplete and lacks comprehensive analysis and specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is somewhat present, but the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are poorly supported and connected, leading to a lack of coherence in the presentation of ideas.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in expressing ideas. There is a need for more varied and precise vocabulary to improve the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay, and the sentence structures could be improved for greater grammatical range. There is also a lack of sentence variety and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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