IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all students should study history as a major subject, while others feel that other subjects are important for children in today's society. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #students #study #history #subjects #children #society
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is how
is
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apply
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important
history
subject
 in society
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 Should
history
 be a major
subject
 at school or are there more important subjects that should be learned? It is undeniable that
history
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
 is an essential part of our life.
However
, there is no absolute agreement as some people find studying
history
 beneficial,
while
 others
cosider
Correct your spelling
consider
 it not important and useless. A commonly held belief that studying
of
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apply
show examples
history
 helps us to better understand who we are, where we came from, how we created the country where we live
and
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etc.
In other words
, the
history
 knowledge helps us to better realize our identity as a nation.
In addition
, emphasizing
history
 learning could
effect
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help
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 to raise
united
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a united
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 nation with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 level of loyalty.
Furthermore
,
the
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apply
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historical knowledge encourages to better
understand
Wrong verb form
understanding
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the
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of the
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 nature of causes and
consequenses
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consequences
. What I mean here is that
the
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apply
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advanced historical knowledge could help to prevent a lot of negative effects because of wrong
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
.
Moreover
, studying
the
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apply
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history
 as a major
subject
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
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 on
consciouscness
Correct your spelling
consciousness
 of young people who will take
a
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apply
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part
a
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in a
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great role in
a
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the
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 future of their country.
On the other hand
, some people claim that
the
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apply
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history
 is not important
for
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to
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 them.
For example
, they may mention that their
children
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children are
children were
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 not interested in it, and they are going to be a scientist or engineer, and they want to
emphisize
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emphasise
 on other subjects
such
 as
a
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apply
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math, chemistry and others
instead
 of
history
 classes. In conclusion, taking everything that I
mention
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mentioned
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 above we can say that studying
of
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apply
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history
 is
vital
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a vital
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 part of
development
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developing
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country
Correct article usage
a country
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,
however
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however,
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 the authority should give a right to
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the choice
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choice
Replace the word
choose
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of studying
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to study
show examples
history
 as a
subject
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task response
Develop your ideas with specific examples and evidence to support your points. Make sure to address both sides of the argument and provide a well-balanced view.
coherence cohesion
Organize your ideas more clearly with a stronger introduction and conclusion. Use transition words to connect your ideas more effectively.
lexical resource
Expand your vocabulary to express your ideas more precisely. Use a wider range of academic and formal language.
grammatical range
Pay attention to sentence structure, punctuation, and grammatical accuracy. Vary your sentence structure and use complex sentences to demonstrate a range of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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