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Band 2.5

Average annual expenditure on cell phone , national and international fixed-line services, 2001 - 2010

#expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services
The line graph demonstrates the average expenditure on telecommunication from 2001 to 2010.
Overall
, it can be clearly seen that there was a significant upward trend in cell phones
whereas
 national fixed-line decreased and international remained stable. In 2001, the fixed-line service in the country hit the highest point of $700,000. Cell phone and International
services
 stayed the same at $200,000 and @250,000, respectively. Five years later, mobile phone
services
 witnessed a rapid increase
while
 the national service experienced a downtrend. Two of these categories had the same payment at about $5000,000.
At the end
 of the period, there was not much change in the trend of 3 types. Cell phone
services
 continue to go up and
reached
Wrong verb form
reach
show examples
 the highest point at $750,000. National fixed-line
services
 were no
more
Rephrase
longer
show examples
 popular at that time so it dropped to $400,000. Worldwide
services
 were constant at $300,000
Submitted by nn.dieuquynh on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and consistent logical structure. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need improvement to better frame the essay. The main points are not adequately supported with relevant examples and explanations.
Task Achievement
The response provides a generally complete overview of the data and contains mostly clear and comprehensive ideas. However, the examples provided are not always relevant or specific to support the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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