In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#businesses #emphasise #products #development

Nowadays, companies try to tell their

costumers

Correct your spelling

customers

show examples

what they'

selling is brand-new and different. I believe

this

due to

the new challenging

market

for businesses, and in my

Correct your spelling

opinion

opinin

Add a comma

opinin,

show examples

this

should be considered a negative thing because it encourages a consuming culture.

It is clear that

these days the

market

is much more

competetive

Correct your spelling

competitive

than before.

Furthermore

, companies need to try to put extra effort

Change preposition

into

show examples

advertising.

This

includes highlighting their products and telling people that they'

new and one of a kind.

For example

, Apple company introduces two or three models of iPhone every

year

with minor changes compared with

Add an article

the previous

show examples

year

. Each

year

Apple tells

costumers

Correct your spelling

customers

show examples

that brand-new iPhones are new,

they

Correct word choice

and they

show examples

all come with major life-changing improvements,

while

they'

basically selling the same

iphones

Correct your spelling

iPhones

show examples

from

last

year

with insignificant changes.Interestingly , it works and Apple sells more iPhones every

year

. I personally think

this

way of advertising should be considered as a negative thing,

becauses

Correct your spelling

because

it's making people buy

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

they don't need.

Currently

Add a comma

Currently,

show examples

we'

facing a climate change that endangers many plants and animal species. A major factor causing

this

is the greenhouse gases that are being emitted increasingly,

as a result

of factories and cars working

double-shifts

Correct your spelling

double shifts

show examples

to manufacture and transport products across the world.

Therefore

, I think

this

Capitalistic mindset and consuming culture should be stopped, and one way is to set regulations for businesses to limit their advertisement, and

instead

emphasise

Change preposition

apply

show examples

supporting their products and

offer

Wrong verb form

offering

show examples

long-term services. In conclusion,

this

method of advertising being used by companies is a result of a limited

market

and their strategy to adapt it and maintain a place in the

market

. I think of

this

as a bad thing because it makes society consume

excesivel

Correct your spelling

excessively

excessive

, and it is harmful for society and the environment .

Submitted by mohsen.pn1998 on Mon Nov 13 2023

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task response

The response demonstrates a partial understanding of the task. Some parts of the essay are not directly relevant to the prompt, and the argumentation lacks coherence and clarity.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a mostly logical structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the link between the ideas is sometimes unclear, and the transition between paragraphs needs improvement.

lexical resource

The essay shows an attempt at using a range of vocabulary and some less common words. However, there are instances of wordiness and awkward word choice that affect the overall lexical coherence.

grammatical range

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentences. There are several errors in subject-verb agreement, tense usage, and article placement. More sophisticated grammatical structures should be attempted for a higher band score.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

301 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

emphasise
advertising
products
innovation
competitive strategy
consumer dissatisfaction
value

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In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Nowadays it has become increasingly popular to shop online rather than too shop in-store. Is this a positive or negative development?

With a fast pace of modern life more and more people are turning towards fast food for their main meals. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

It is seen that older adults are not given enough respect and facilities in many countries. What could be reason for this? What are the effects of this?

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.