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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the distribution of different income groups in cities and regional centres of Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.

The chart below shows the distribution of different income groups in cities and regional centres of Australia. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make a comparison where relevant.
#distribution #income #groups #cities #centres #australia #summarise #information #features #comparison
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The bar chart illustrates the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
areas
Use synonyms
 of Australia
according to
Linking Words
 their annual
income
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that people living in
cities
Use synonyms
 earn a higher average
income
Use synonyms
 than regional centres. In both
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional centres, the majority of the
population
Use synonyms
 are lower
middle
Use synonyms
 or
Use synonyms
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 earners, which means they have a yearly
income
Use synonyms
 of $40,000-$70,000 and $70,000-$120,000 respectively.
However
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 the largest of these two groups is the
Use synonyms
middle
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 earners, at 35%,
while
Linking Words
 in regional centres the largest group is lower
middle
Use synonyms
 at around 34%. Another similarity between
cities
Use synonyms
 and regional
areas
Use synonyms
 is that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 and lowest
income
Use synonyms
 earners make up the two smallest
population
Use synonyms
 groups. Their yearly
income
Use synonyms
 is under $40,000 (low), and over $120,000 (high).
However
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
cities
Add a comma
cities,
show examples
 the
low
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 group makes up only about 13% of the
population
Use synonyms
, which is about 10% less than
regional
Change preposition
in regional
show examples
areas
Use synonyms
. The
high
Add a hyphen
high-income
show examples
income
Use synonyms
 group
also
Linking Words
 differs between the two
areas
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and is 5% greater in
cities
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anayasinwriting on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, cities, areas, income, middle with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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