IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below illustrates the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton over a period of 30 years between 1980 and 2010.

The line graph below illustrates the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton over a period of 30 years between 1980 and 2010.
#line #percentage #tourists #england #four #attractions #brighton #period #years
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The line chart displays the
proportion
 of
tourists
 to England that visited four
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 attractions in
Brighton
 from 1980 to 2010.
Overall
, the most significant feature of
recorded
Add an article
the recorded
show examples
 period is that foreign
tourists
 who visited art galleries in
Brighton
 saw a slight decrease. The percentage of foreign visitors who visited pavilions increased gradually,
while
 the
proportion
 of
tourists
 who went
piers
Change preposition
to piers
show examples
 rose more significantly between 1980 to 2010. The figure for festivals in
Brighton
 which are visited by foreign visitors remained relatively stable over the 30-year period. The
proportion
 of
tourists
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 pavilions in
Brighton
 was around a quarter in 1980, and
this
 climbed dramatically to almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in 1995 before declining drastically to just over 30% in 2010. The
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of foreign visitors who visited piers
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
show examples
 between just under 10% and around 15% between 1980 and 2000.
After
this
 fluctuation, it saw a noticeable increase of roughly 10%, finishing at just above 20%
at the end
 of the period. The
proportion
 of
tourists
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
show examples
art
Change preposition
to art
show examples
 exhibitions in
Brighton
 was just above a fifth and
this
 figure increased to a peak of just below 40% in 1985;
however
,
this
 ratio decreased to just below a tenth over the 25 years. The percentage of
tourists
visited
Correct pronoun usage
who visited
show examples
 festivals fell slightly from about 30% to just under %30 from 1980 to 1985 and
then
this
 ratio remained relatively stable at
this
 level after 25 years.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, tourists, brighton with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 2 times.
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