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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Process diagrams can show cyclic processes like the life cycle of a pond frog from egg to adult. Notice how arrows are often used to lead you through the stages in the diagrams.

Process diagrams can show cyclic processes like the life cycle of a pond frog from egg to adult. Notice how arrows are often used to lead you through the stages in the diagrams.
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The diagram applies in great detail the different phases that a pond frog has to go through to become an adult.
Overall
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, the process is quite involved, going from the representation of the animal in an egg form, to the grown-up animal.
Thus
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, the figure evidences different steps in a cyclic procedure.
Firstly
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, the primary depiction represents the younger version of the amphibian as an egg that evolves into an embryo. Rapidly, these living forms turn into tadpoles that cling to aquatic flora for their own survival.
Secondly
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, these creatures develop gills, tails and hindlegs.
Thirdly
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, the animal stores food in the mentioned tail which allows the growth of the front legs.
Finally
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, the step that shows the maturement result is the shortening of the tail, which creates the image of a young frog that will turn into an adult with the passing of time.
To sum up
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, the depiction evidences the different steps of a specific species to become an adult.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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