IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people think that supermarkets and manufacturers should reduce the amount of packaging materials. Others believe that it is the customer's responsibility to avoid buying with too much packaging. Discuss both ideas and give your opinion

#people #supermarkets #manufacturers #amount #materials #customer #responsibility
It is believed that excessive packaging should be diminished by the suppliers
whereas
 others contend that the consumer’s role in
this
 problem is more decisive. Both views will be discussed and I endorse that the former view is more persuasive than the latter.
To begin
 with, there are some reasons why the customers should have a strong responsibility for
decrease
Add an article
the decrease
a decrease
show examples
 in over packaging. For one thing, individual
responds
Replace the word
responses
show examples
 can affect the entire
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
show examples
 and they are
also
 subjects of feasible actions. To be specific, if they reduce their consumption of exaggerated packaging products,
such
 as fruits with plastic bags or unnecessary decorations, the supply and provision of these materials
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 reduced. In spite of the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 mentioned above, I
am support
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 the notion that providers,
such
 as supermarkets and manufacturers, should show more active attitudes in order to unravel
this
 matter.
Firstly
, they can directly pack the commodities, selling simply packed products.
Therefore
, the fundamental resolution draws upon them.
For example
, manufacturers can revise how to encase the cookies,
thus
 individually wrapped cookies
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 vinyl can be packed only
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 paper
box
Fix the agreement mistake
boxes
show examples
. Another reason in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 view is that the suppliers should need to streamline the inordinate packaging process. They tend to add superfluous
decoration
Fix the agreement mistake
decorations
show examples
 so as to draw
interest
Add an article
the interest
show examples
 of consumers.
However
,
this
 is because most of them,
such
 as undue embellishment and bubble wrap, are disposable products, squandering the resources. In a nutshell,
although
 some people argue that consumers have to take action to reduce
over packaging
Add a hyphen
over-packaging
show examples
, the
supplyers
Correct your spelling
suppliers
 can more contribute to
this
 issue.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear restatement of the question and a clear indication of the writer's position. Moreover, the conclusion is hasty and does not summarize the main points effectively. Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly address the task and provide a concise overview of the writer's viewpoint.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task to some extent, but it lacks depth and development of ideas. More specific examples and a more balanced discussion of both views are needed to improve the score. Try to provide a more comprehensive and nuanced discussion of both perspectives.
Lexical Resource
The lexical resource shows variety and range of vocabulary. However, there are instances of imprecise and awkward word choices. Additionally, the essay lacks clear and consistent use of linking words and cohesive devices. To improve, aim for more precise and appropriate word choices and enhance the use of cohesive devices for better coherence.
Grammatical Range
The essay demonstrates effective control of a range of complex structures, but there are frequent errors in sentence structure and word usage. The errors sometimes hinder communication and affect clarity. Aim for more accurate and precise use of grammar to convey ideas clearly and effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: