IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph illustrates yearly salary ( thousands of US dollars ) for doctors and other workers in seven nations in 2004.

The graph illustrates yearly salary ( thousands of US dollars ) for doctors and other workers in seven nations in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
payment
Use synonyms
 for
doctors
Use synonyms
 was found in the US, Switzerland, and France,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest
payment
Use synonyms
 for
doctors
Use synonyms
 was seen in the other four nations. It is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that
workers
Use synonyms
 in other sectors in all countries received far lower
Use synonyms
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 than
doctors
Use synonyms
 did. Based on the data, the highest
salary
Use synonyms
 in the US was 120
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the
doctors
Use synonyms
 and the other
workers
Use synonyms
’
salary
Use synonyms
 was around 50
dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
doctors
Use synonyms
 in both of the states in Europe earned almost 80
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the Doctor in 2004. In Switzerland, the annual
salary
Use synonyms
 for the
doctors
Use synonyms
 was around 70
dollars
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 the other employee
payment
Use synonyms
 was 40
dollars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, France had the same
salary
Use synonyms
 for the
Doctors
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other
workers
Use synonyms
 obtained the lowest
payment
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 around 30
dollars
Use synonyms
. The lowest annual
salary
Use synonyms
 came from four states. The yearly
salary
Use synonyms
 in Finland for the
Doctors
Use synonyms
 was around 50
dollars
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the other
workers
Use synonyms
 made 40
dollars
Use synonyms
 in 2004.
However
Linking Words
, Germany had the highest
payment
Use synonyms
 for the
Doctors
Use synonyms
 with almost 65
dollars
Use synonyms
 but the other
workers
Use synonyms
 had 20
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the wage. In the same case, Czech
doctors
Use synonyms
 earned slightly higher than those in Germany with around 65 to 70
dollars
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Italy had 70
dollars
Use synonyms
 for the
Use synonyms
Doctors
Change noun form
Doctors'
Doctor's
show examples
 wage and 20
dollars
Use synonyms
 for their
workers
Use synonyms
’
payment
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words payment, doctors, workers, salary, dollars with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: