Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #university #college #route #career #job #school

It is believed that there are two feasible routes to move on

your

Change preposition

to your

show examples

academic career. Compared to getting into a

university

which possibly

raise

Correct subject-verb agreement

raises

show examples

students

' success, applying for a

job

after high school graduation benefits

school-leavers

Correct your spelling

school leavers

show examples

to some extent. In my opinion, studying at

university

place

Correct subject-verb agreement

places

show examples

a firm background for

job

appliants

Correct your spelling

applicants

This

essay will elaborate both viewpoints and

illumiate

Correct your spelling

illuminate

writer's

Correct article usage

the writer's

show examples

opinion. Attending

Change preposition

apply

show examples

university

could benefit the young in favour of knowledge and promotion.

In other words

university

Add an article

the university

show examples

provides

students

with several academic lectures, which acts as a prerequisite for recruitment.

For example

, most of

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

newcomers to John Hunting have a

university

degree as the first impression to their interviewers.

Moreover

, if young employees have an academic qualification, therein lies a potential promotion, so they can receive more salary.

For instance

, managers in many big companies are

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excellent

graduate

Fix the agreement mistake

graduates

show examples

;

therefore

, they receive a bundle of money to

their

Change the word

the

show examples

best ability. Personally, continuing a study process is a firm foundation for those who long for

reputation

Correct article usage

a reputation

show examples

and

remunerative

Correct article usage

a remunerative

show examples

job

However

, the appearance of vocational

school

Fix the agreement mistake

schools

show examples

has grown as a recent trend for the young who have no momentum to vie for

university

. These teenagers’ similarity is to gain work experience sooner than

students

sitting in a

university

Therefore

, they are capable of bearing workplace pressure since they have been working for a long period since the graduation of

students

For example

, many teenagers choose to work at a

babershop

Correct your spelling

barbershop

barber shop

or business vendor for the ability of endurance. Plus, they create a connection with the community in order to open their friend circle. It is possible to get a

job

at an early age to expand your friend network since you have to meet other people. Taking some footballers in Vietnam as an example, they do not get into a

university

yet they improve their

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

skills

then

Correct word choice

and then

show examples

play for their regional team.

As a result

, they have a multitude of relationships. In conclusion, both

university

and society could teach you much information and challenge your competency. As an exponent of academic

institution

Fix the agreement mistake

institutions

show examples

, I ascertain that

university

plays an essential role in orientation and self-improvement.

Submitted by giacobebao on Tue Nov 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement

The essay fails to fully address the given topic. There is a lack of clarity and coherence in the arguments presented, impacting the overall persuasiveness of the essay. The ideas are not fully developed and lack clear reasoning. The essay needs to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and provide a stronger argumentative stance.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is limited, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion. There is a need for a more systematic and well-organized structure to improve the flow of ideas and the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in the use of language. There is a need to use a more diverse and accurate range of vocabulary to effectively communicate ideas and arguments. Additionally, the use of idiomatic and collocation phrases is limited, which affects the overall lexical resource of the essay.

Grammatical Range

The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures, leading to repetitive and simplistic language use. There is a need to use a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the grammatical range. Additionally, errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction impact the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

357 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

Academic qualifications
Specialized skills
In-depth knowledge
Personal growth
Social development
Practical experience
Financial independence
Career progression
Professional networking
Education
Work experience
Successful career
Personal interests
Career goals
Decision-making process

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
These days people like to explore adveturous sports as a part of everyday learning. A certain segment of people think that authorities should not allow public access to risk-taking games, while other think it should be an individual choice to try these sports. This essay will critically analyse both perspective and support my opinion of government should not ban life threatning sports instead offer assistance in someway to pupils trying these sports.
6.5
band
The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who wants to study at the university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
In today's fast-paced life, access to education is the source of economic and social growth for the toddlers of every province. The study is the basis of progress in every aspect of an agrarian. It is assumed that every junior who wants to exercise at the university must pay the entire fee through the government. However, the concept of paying fees is somewhat correct; I think the authorities should take this step for those who are not able to afford university fees.
4.5
band
In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.
In various nations young adults are moving away from their home towns and living in urban areas for higher education and for a better work life. Although, this may harm a person in the short term, it allows to creation of new opportunities and i believe that this advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages.
5
band
Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people say trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be built instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
An array of masses believe that trees need to be planted in spare spaces in urban areas because
5
band
Findings show that many criminals have low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prisons so that they can get job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Crimes are one of all crucial problems for any society. Findings discover the pattern between criminals and their low level of education. Some people believe that increasing level of education will reduce number of crimes. I agree with this statement and we will discuss this question in this essay.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The government should pay for the course fees for everyone who wants to study at the university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

In many countries government are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money.

Planting trees is very important for the environment. Some people say trees should be planted in the vacant areas of cities and towns, while other says housing facilities should be built instead. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Findings show that many criminals have low level of education. Some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate criminals in prisons so that they can get job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?