IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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It is believed that there are two feasible routes to move on
your
Change preposition
to your
show examples
 academic career. Compared to getting into a
university
Use synonyms
 which possibly
raise
Correct subject-verb agreement
raises
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' success, applying for a
job
Use synonyms
 after high school graduation benefits
school-leavers
Correct your spelling
school leavers
show examples
 to some extent. In my opinion, studying at
university
Use synonyms
place
Correct subject-verb agreement
places
show examples
 a firm background for
job
Use synonyms
appliants
Correct your spelling
applicants
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elaborate both viewpoints and
illumiate
Correct your spelling
illuminate
writer's
Correct article usage
the writer's
show examples
 opinion. Attending
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
university
Use synonyms
 could benefit the young in favour of knowledge and promotion.
In other words
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
university
Add an article
the university
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 provides
students
Use synonyms
 with several academic lectures, which acts as a prerequisite for recruitment.
For example
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, most of
young
Add an article
the young
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 newcomers to John Hunting have a
university
Use synonyms
 degree as the first impression to their interviewers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if young employees have an academic qualification, therein lies a potential promotion, so they can receive more salary.
For instance
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, managers in many big companies are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellent
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
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;
therefore
Linking Words
, they receive a bundle of money to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 best ability. Personally, continuing a study process is a firm foundation for those who long for
reputation
Correct article usage
a reputation
show examples
 and
remunerative
Correct article usage
a remunerative
show examples
job
Use synonyms
.
However
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, the appearance of vocational
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 has grown as a recent trend for the young who have no momentum to vie for
university
Use synonyms
. These teenagers’ similarity is to gain work experience sooner than
students
Use synonyms
 sitting in a
university
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are capable of bearing workplace pressure since they have been working for a long period since the graduation of
students
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, many teenagers choose to work at a
babershop
Correct your spelling
barbershop
barber shop
 or business vendor for the ability of endurance. Plus, they create a connection with the community in order to open their friend circle. It is possible to get a
job
Use synonyms
 at an early age to expand your friend network since you have to meet other people. Taking some footballers in Vietnam as an example, they do not get into a
university
Use synonyms
 yet they improve their
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 skills
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 play for their regional team.
As a result
Linking Words
, they have a multitude of relationships. In conclusion, both
university
Use synonyms
 and society could teach you much information and challenge your competency. As an exponent of academic
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
show examples
, I ascertain that
university
Use synonyms
 plays an essential role in orientation and self-improvement.

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Task Achievement
The essay fails to fully address the given topic. There is a lack of clarity and coherence in the arguments presented, impacting the overall persuasiveness of the essay. The ideas are not fully developed and lack clear reasoning. The essay needs to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and provide a stronger argumentative stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is limited, resulting in a lack of coherence and cohesion. There is a need for a more systematic and well-organized structure to improve the flow of ideas and the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential for setting the context and summarizing the main points.
Lexical Resource
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in the use of language. There is a need to use a more diverse and accurate range of vocabulary to effectively communicate ideas and arguments. Additionally, the use of idiomatic and collocation phrases is limited, which affects the overall lexical resource of the essay.
Grammatical Range
The essay displays a limited range of grammatical structures, leading to repetitive and simplistic language use. There is a need to use a wider variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences, to enhance the grammatical range. Additionally, errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence construction impact the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Academic qualifications
  • Specialized skills
  • In-depth knowledge
  • Personal growth
  • Social development
  • Practical experience
  • Financial independence
  • Career progression
  • Professional networking
  • Education
  • Work experience
  • Successful career
  • Personal interests
  • Career goals
  • Decision-making process
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