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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the proportions of the world's oil resources held in different areas, together with the proportions consumed annually in the same areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the proportions of the world's oil resources held in different areas, together with the proportions consumed annually in the same areas. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #proportions #world #oil #resources #areas #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The charts given to us are given in two
separated
Replace the word
separate
show examples
 boxes. With between both boxes the name of the country it represents. On
one
Use synonyms
 side, are represented bar charts which represent the percentage of total world
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
. On the other side the percentage of total world Anual
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption. The left block is represented in order from the
bigger
Replace the word
biggest
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 to smallest,
while
Linking Words
 the other
one
Use synonyms
 is in disorder. On
one
Use synonyms
 hand, more than half of the percentage of total
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 are in the
midde
Correct your spelling
middle
 east. It is
also
Linking Words
 necessary to outline the fact that the gap between the Middle East and the Second country which has on its
posesion
Correct your spelling
possession
position
 a high quantity of
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is Canada doesn’t even come close to being as wealthy in
oil
Use synonyms
resources
Use synonyms
 as the Middle East.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is not even close to being the biggest in the world at
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption.
However
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 time there is not
one
Use synonyms
representant
Replace the word
representative
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 who dominates
on
Change preposition
over
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 all others. But three of them. Asia,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States and
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 Europe. The three of them consume more than 70% of
Add an article
the worlds
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worlds
Change noun form
world's
show examples
oil
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 we can clearly notice the fact that the three biggest consumers of
oil
Use synonyms
 only produce around 5% of the 70 they consume.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the
bigges
Correct your spelling
biggest
 producer only consumes 6% of
these 56%
Change the determiner
this 56%
show examples
.
Submitted by santos_dij on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words one, oil, resources with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportions
  • resources
  • consumption
  • annually
  • regions
  • disparity
  • consumption rates
  • high/low resources
  • global market dynamics
  • geopolitical relations
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