The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given bar chart provides information about
groups
Use synonyms
of men and women who are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
different ages,
doing
Correct word choice
and doing
show examples
regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
. These instructions
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
Australian people in 2010 in percentage. At
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first
glance
Add a comma
glance,
show examples
it is clearly seen that doing regular
activity
Use synonyms
is
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
six different age
groups
Use synonyms
. As is presented, the information related to females
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
that the amount of
doing
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
almost the same among different ages in 2010. As is observed, the proportion of these statistics by males shows more difference among different
groups
Use synonyms
. The interesting point is that the average percentage of doing
this
Linking Words
regular
activity
Use synonyms
by women is 50%
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
men is about 45%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the given chart illustrates that the amount of doing
this
Linking Words
regular physical
activity
Use synonyms
occurs more by
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
rather than men in 5
groups
Use synonyms
which involves people between 25 and over 65 in percentage.
Although
Linking Words
it is obvious that the males had superiority in that matter between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
15 to 24, the females became more
activated
Replace the word
active
show examples
between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
25 to 65 and over in 2010.
Submitted by hanarad41 on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 82%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words groups, activity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Australian men
  • Australian women
  • Age groups
  • Regular physical activity
  • Participated
  • Increased
  • Decreased
  • Proportion
  • Physically active
  • Gender difference
  • Engaged
  • Exercise
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