Many people put their personal information online (address, telephone number,...) for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In
this
technological era, social
network has been part of Add an article
the social
the
most individuals.Correct article usage
apply
significant
number of people upload their own data online as a part of daily activities like Change the article
a significant
the significant
a
socializing on social Correct article usage
apply
network
or banking Fix the agreement mistake
networks
reason
. If asked, Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
there
are both constructive Correct pronoun usage
they
as well as
deastuctive
. I will explain both Correct your spelling
destructive
development
in Change to a plural noun
developments
ensuring
paragraph.
On the one side, people are gradually becoming more active on social site Verb problem
the concluding
behind
the Change preposition
apply
reasons
are to make their life easy by using an E-service in Fix the agreement mistake
reason
a
each and every area. SoCorrect article usage
apply
that
, they need to share personal information regarding to concern of enhanced connectivity and easy to reach on right communication on Correct determiner usage
apply
time
. As
example, online banking has become more popular around the global world which save Change preposition
For
the
Correct article usage
apply
time
, decrease rush at bank and most of
service available Change preposition
apply
on
just Change preposition
with
Correct article usage
a clicks
clicks
.
On the Fix the agreement mistake
click
othe
side, there is essential to share the information to get access through the online platform. Correct your spelling
other
Upload
data would be safe most Replace the word
Uploading
time
but ciber
crimes has been spread around Correct your spelling
cyber
the
every Correct article usage
apply
Nations
.soChange to a singular noun
nation
that
, privacy and security are huge concern to protect them. Correct word choice
apply
Moreover
, it would be possible to potential
for misuse and identity theft. Add an article
the potential
In
instance, we could see the number of Change preposition
For
incidence
Fix the agreement mistake
incidences
about
Change preposition
of
the
Bank hacking or other social Correct article usage
apply
accounts
hacking by Fix the agreement mistake
account
human
.
In conclusion, sharing Fix the agreement mistake
humans
the
information on social websites Correct article usage
apply
having
Wrong verb form
has
a
both positive Correct article usage
apply
as well as
negative development on human being
. Fix the agreement mistake
beings
As
Change preposition
On
a
good side, it has become Correct article usage
the
more easy
and Replace the words
easier
time saving
life. Add a hyphen
time-saving
However
, Add an article
the risk
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
for
theft Change preposition
of
are
still Change the verb form
is
connecting
with these no matter how advanced technologyWrong verb form
connected
.
Add a missing verb
is.
Submitted by sanganiankita2023 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay does not fully address the prompt. The introduction does not clearly state whether putting personal information online is a positive or negative development. Additionally, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points or provide a clear opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure with proper introduction and conclusion. The body paragraphs lack coherence in presenting and supporting the main points.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a mix of vocabulary, but there are instances of unclear or inappropriate word choices, impacting the overall lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay contains a mix of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are errors in tenses and word forms that impact the overall grammatical range.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.