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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of the support they received from employers.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of the support they received from employers.
#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers
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The first bar graph illustrates 2 main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the students in different
age
Use synonyms
 groups which the reported reasons are for career and for interest.
In addition
Linking Words
, the second bar chart depicts the amount of
employers
Fix the agreement mistake
employer
show examples
 support they acquired which is
also
Linking Words
 represented in
age
Use synonyms
 groups.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of students studying for
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 gradually decreases as they are getting older.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the percentage of adults who are studying owing to interest continuously increases as they
are aging
Wrong verb form
age
show examples
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who are under 26 is 80 per
cent
Use synonyms
;
nonetheless
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 has dropped until it reaches approximately 19% in the
last
Linking Words
 report
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 which is over 49 years old.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of adults who are interested in the course is 10 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in the first
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
, and it gradually rises to 70 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in people who are above 49 years old.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in people who are between 40 to 49, both reasons have the same percentage at around 40%. Among the reported year
group
Use synonyms
, individuals who are below 26 years old are assisted the most at around 74 per
cent
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 decreases in
26
Correct article usage
the 26
show examples
 to 29
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 and even more in
30
Correct article usage
the 30
show examples
 to 39 at around 35% which is the lowest point. In
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 2 year groups,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 respectively
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 ending up
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 45%.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, number, cent, group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Adult education
  • Career advancement
  • Personal enrichment
  • Academic pursuits
  • Upskilling
  • Reskilling
  • Educational attainment
  • Tuition reimbursement
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Work-study balance
  • Financial assistance
  • Professional growth
  • Study leave
  • Employee retention
  • Workforce development
  • Time management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivational factors
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