The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of the support they received from employers.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of the support they received from employers.
The first bar graph illustrates 2 main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the students in different
age
groups which the reported reasons are for career and for interest.
In addition
, the second bar chart depicts the amount of
employers
Fix the agreement mistake
employer
show examples
support they acquired which is
also
represented in
age
groups.
Overall
, the
number
of students studying for
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
gradually decreases as they are getting older.
In contrast
, the percentage of adults who are studying owing to interest continuously increases as they
are aging
Wrong verb form
age
show examples
.
Initially
, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who are under 26 is 80 per
cent
;
nonetheless
,
this
number
has dropped until it reaches approximately 19% in the
last
report
age
group
which is over 49 years old.
On the other hand
, the
number
of adults who are interested in the course is 10 per
cent
in the first
age
group
, and it gradually rises to 70 per
cent
in people who are above 49 years old.
Additionally
, in people who are between 40 to 49, both reasons have the same percentage at around 40%. Among the reported year
group
, individuals who are below 26 years old are assisted the most at around 74 per
cent
.
However
,
this
number
decreases in
26
Correct article usage
the 26
show examples
to 29
age
group
and even more in
30
Correct article usage
the 30
show examples
to 39 at around 35% which is the lowest point. In
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
2 year groups,
this
number
respectively
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
ending up
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
45%.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, number, cent, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "decreases" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Adult education
  • Career advancement
  • Personal enrichment
  • Academic pursuits
  • Upskilling
  • Reskilling
  • Educational attainment
  • Tuition reimbursement
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Work-study balance
  • Financial assistance
  • Professional growth
  • Study leave
  • Employee retention
  • Workforce development
  • Time management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivational factors
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