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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below represents a survey on whether consumers would actually consider buying cars from tech companies such as Apple & Google. Summarise the information given in the diagram.

The diagram below represents a survey on whether consumers would actually consider buying cars from tech companies such as Apple & Google. Summarise the information given in the diagram.
The bar chart presents the data
on
Change preposition
from
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 a survey on whether consumers would consider buying cars from tech companies like Apple &
Google
Correct word choice
and Google
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 comparing the numbers
acrross
Correct your spelling
across
 different countries and age groups. The percentage
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
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 willing to switch their cars is
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 for the Indian market
with
Change preposition
at
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 81 per cent. Following
that is
Linking Words
 China at 74% and Brazil at 63% There is a dramatic decline in the trend with France at 38%.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
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 Germany,
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 are at the down low with 32%, 29% and 26% respectively. About 65% of the
people
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 are 18-to 34-year-olds
droping
Correct your spelling
dropping
 to 49% for
people
Use synonyms
 aged between 35 to 49. Around 26% of
people
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 are over the age of 50.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 there are 7553
constomers
Correct your spelling
consumers
customers
 from 7 countries that are planning to buy or rent a car in the following year
that is
Linking Words
, 2015. In Summary, the Indian market has the highest scope of cars being bought from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tech companies, for
people
Use synonyms
 who are mostly between the age group of 18 to 34.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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