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Band 5

Bringing in Foreign Workers to fill positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should, therefore, be stopped. To what extent do you agree with this?

#workers #positions #community
It is argued in order to avoid repercussions on society, the process of inviting
immigrants
 who come to work in positions that natives don't want to do should be halted. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion because many
businesses
 will close down without those
immigrants
 ,and
this
 will
also
 put a strain on
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 budgets. The biggest advantage of
immigrants
 is that they help local
businesses
 to survive.
This
 is to say that without them, many shops would be closed permanently
due to
 labour shortage.
For example
, a restaurant owner may not open his
restuatarnt
Correct your spelling
restaurant
 till midnight if no employees are ready to work at night, resulting in unsustainable losses which will force him to close the business.
As well as
this
, many important but unattractive professions like cleaning dirty underground municipal pipelines pose a threat to
hygeine
Correct your spelling
hygiene
 related diseases if there is
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 willing to clean them. Another merit of foreign workers is that they contribute significantly
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 state funds. They help in generating direct and indirect taxes. To illustrate, if they don't
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 those key
leftovers
Change the noun form
leftover
show examples
 jobs,
businesses
 will experience a slowdown in their operation, leading to lower sales; which collectively, results in lower GST and sales taxes for a state government.
Secondly
, authorities would
also
unable
Add a missing verb
be unable
show examples
 to recoup taxes through their employment and cost of living,
such
 as food, shelter and insurance.
This
 will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to less economic development and mediocre Healthcare services
due to
Correct article usage
the goverent's
show examples
goverent's
Correct your spelling
government's
 fiscal constraints. In conclusion, I totally disagree that people from other countries should be stopped to come and take those dormant jobs that are ignored by locals.
Also
, I don't think that it is causing any problem, on
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 opine that
immigrants
Change the noun form
immigrant
show examples
 professionals are helping
businesses
 to prevail in light of a dearth of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 labour force and
also
 aiding
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 to preserve its budget.
Submitted by rohit.narad90 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with a clear topic sentence to improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Include specific examples to support each argument rather than generalizations to strengthen the ideas presented.
Vocabulary
The essay would benefit from more varied and precise vocabulary to adequately convey complex ideas and concepts, improving lexical richness.
Grammar
A wider range of sentence structures should be used to demonstrate grammatical proficiency and reduce the frequency of error.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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