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Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. IELTS Writing Sample

The line graph below shows the percentage of tourists to England who visited four different attractions in Brighton. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words. IELTS Writing Sample
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The graph
demonstates
Correct your spelling
demonstrates
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of tourists to England who visited Brighton attractions, including Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier and Festival.
Overall
, the number of tourists to
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be the highest
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Additionally
, for the vast majority of the period,
Festival
Correct article usage
the Festival
show examples
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
remained stable line. It can be seen from the graph that
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of tourists to
Pavilion
Correct article usage
the Pavilion
show examples
raise
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 significantly from 24% to 49% between 1980 and 1995. After that, it declined sharply and started to slow down between 2000 to 2010.
Similarly
, the
percentage
 of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 to Art Gallery had an explosive rise in 1985 ( about 39%) but it immediately went down and seems not to have a recovery until 2010.
Otherwise
, the
percentage
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Pier
one
Capitalize word
One
show examples
 seems to be volatile, it increased in 1985 and fell
down
Rephrase
apply
show examples
in 1990 like
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Art
gallery one
Correct your spelling
Gallery One
show examples
. Luckily, it started to rise up in 1995 and
seem
Correct subject-verb agreement
seems
show examples
 not to have a reduction.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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