IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university？

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer #university？
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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the main function of a
university
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. It is undeniable that
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 to
university
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 has become an essential part of our life, and is it significant for our society.
However
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement on whether a
university
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 should
be provide
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 with the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and skills needed in
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
 or just give access to
knowledge
Use synonyms
, whether the course is useful to an employer. A commonly held belief is that a
university
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provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
graduates
Use synonyms
 with the
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and skills needed in
Use synonyms
workplace
Add an article
the workplace
show examples
. As evidence of
this
Linking Words
 they point to
graduates
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have
Wrong verb form
having
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 to use all skills and studies in their
workplace
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all studies have to be given ready-made. It could be explained by the fact that, by giving ready
information
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, students will not spend time
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finding it.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
graduates
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 would not spend a waste time
to
Change preposition
on
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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
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 which are not useful in their work and they could receive necessary
information
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people claim that
Correct article usage
the universities
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universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 true function give access to
knowledge
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, whether the course is useful to an employer.
For example
Linking Words
, they may mention that, in searching
Use synonyms
Change preposition
for information
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information
Add a comma
information,
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 they could find other things which might be useful.
In addition
Linking Words
, bumping into other studies, it
also
Linking Words
 could be significant in the future. The explanation lies in the fact that, searching certainly
information
Use synonyms
, their horizons could be reduced. In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that
receive
Wrong verb form
receiving
show examples
 only
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
information
Use synonyms
 which is useful in your
workplace
Use synonyms
,
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to concentrate.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Introduction Advice
The essay needs a clear introduction that presents the topic and clearly states the writer's opinion. Make sure to include a thesis statement that outlines the essay's main points.
Conclusion Advice
You should provide a clear conclusion that succinctly summarizes your points and restates your opinion. Avoid introducing new arguments in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion Advice
The essay lacks a clear and logical flow. Ideas should be organized into distinct paragraphs, each developing a single main point. Use transition words to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
Task Achievement Advice
Your essay only partially addresses the task. It should cover all parts of the prompt and include a balanced discussion of both views with your opinion. Make sure to answer the question directly and fully.
Example and Evidence Advice
There is a lack of relevant and specific examples to support the main points. To enhance your argument, include concrete examples or evidence that illustrate your claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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