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Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
Some argue that the great way to bring
people
 together from any kind of culture and age is with
music
. I completely agree that
music
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good prime
methods
Fix the agreement mistake
method
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 to bring
people
 together despite their differences.
However
, there are
also
 other alternatives to make
people
 feel connected with each other, one of which is through
food
. There are thousands of
music
 that have been released until today, but only a few of them are timeless. There are several reasons why
music
 is categorized as timeless,
firstly
 is because it can be an ear pleasure for those who hear it.
Secondly
,
due to
 the lyrics that still feel related until nowadays.
For example
, the
music
 band Westlife once held a concert in Jakarta Indonesia and
people
 from different countries, ages, and genders gathered in Gelora Bung Karno just to
heard
Wrong verb form
hear
show examples
 Westlife
sang
Wrong verb form
sing
show examples
 their songs. It is proven that
music
 is considered to be one of the best ways to bring togetherness. Another way to make
people
 come and sit at the same table is through
food
.
Food
 is as timeless as
music
 because most humans almost have the same type of taste when it comes to good
food
.
For instance
, McDonalds and Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) are the main major fast-
food
 restaurants. The question is who doesn’t like the
food
 they provide? When it is almost all of the families coming from whole different generations like to make a stop at those restaurants and buy
food
 from them. In conclusion,
music
 is the
main
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
best
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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 to bring togetherness in spite of differences that
people
 have,
such
 as cultural differences or even different generations, even though there are still
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of ways to make
people
 gather, one of which is through
food
.
Submitted by baitynuris191 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea, with examples directly related to the topic of music uniting cultures and ages.
task achievement
Work on expanding and clearly stating your arguments to fully address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the topic.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of phrases and ideas; strive for variety in language and sentence structure.
task achievement
Make sure to stay on topic by keeping all points relevant to the question prompt and developing them thoroughly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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