Some people think that government should ban dangerous sports while others think people should ha e freedom to do anysports or activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some concerned parties
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that there should be
ristriction
Correct your spelling
restrictions
restriction
on some dangerous
sports
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
agrue
Correct your spelling
argue
agree
that people should have their own choice to play any game whichever they like.
This
essay will
discusses
Change the verb form
discuss
show examples
both views and give my own opinion. Talking about
sports
, they play
an
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a
show examples
vital role in every person's life from childhood to adulthood.
Number
Change the article
A number
The number
show examples
of students in their school days choose some
sports
as their profession by playing different types of games and ending up
coosing
Correct your spelling
choosing
one as their passion. They pursue
this
as
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
and try to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
their dream through their
choseen
Correct your spelling
chosen
games. These
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
choices intrinsic them to more
concentate
Correct your spelling
concentrated
concentrate
and
passonate
Correct your spelling
passionate
about
Change preposition
on
show examples
their future rather than wasting their time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
clueless aims.
Moreover
, folks can learn various skills number of
sports
and become physically fit.
Therefore
, having
chance
Add an article
the chance
a chance
show examples
to play various
sports
can build
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
physical
fit
Replace the word
fitness
show examples
and help them to be specific about what they like or not. On the other side, some activities are harmful for students like bullfighting, mountain racing, motorbike stunting,
rally
Correct word choice
and rally
show examples
racing which can take
people
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people's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
both physical
as well as
mental health.
For instance
,
last
year in Japan more than
dozen
Correct article usage
a dozen
show examples
of participants and
auidence
Correct your spelling
audience
died during rally racing
due to
rough
Correct article usage
a rough
show examples
stunt
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
racer
Correct article usage
a racer
show examples
.
Thus
, higher
authorites
Correct your spelling
authorities
should implement some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
on some
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
show examples
activities.
To conclude
, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that youngsters should have
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
to do any activity alongside some rules and
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
to follow.
However
,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
have all their
rightd
Correct your spelling
rights
right
to avoid worse
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
to happen
Change preposition
from happening
show examples
by playing rough
sports
.
Submitted by sehajpreetself11 on

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task achievement
The essay adequately introduces both viewpoints and provides a conclusion but lacks a clear, individual opinion. It is recommended to state your position more explicitly, ensuring that it is relevant throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical flow of the essay is somewhat disrupted by grammatical errors and misspellings. To improve, focus on proofreading and use transition words to enhance coherence between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
There are numerous spelling mistakes ('belive,' 'ristriction,' 'agrue,' 'passonate,' etc.) and grammatical errors which hinder the clarity and precision of your message. Aim for a variety of sentence structures and accurate use of vocabulary to enhance your essay's quality.
grammatical range
Grammatical range is limited due to recurring errors. Practice using complex sentence structures correctly, ensuring subject-verb agreement and correct verb forms. Avoid overusing simple sentences and incorporate a mix of complex grammatical constructions to improve your score.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ban
  • dangerous sports
  • freedom of choice
  • public health concerns
  • social and economic costs
  • personal freedom
  • responsibility
  • regulations
  • safety measures
  • effective governance
  • assessing risks
  • guidelines
  • personal freedom
  • educate
  • informed decision-making
  • middle ground
  • public safety
  • strict regulations
  • alternatives
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