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Band 4

Scientists believe that in order to protect the environment, people must use less energy in their daily lives. However, most people have not changed the way they live. Why do you think many people have not taken individual action? What could be done to encourage them to take action?

#scientists #environment #people #energy #lives #action
According to
 scientists, individuals have to use less energy daily in order to protect their habitat.
However
, the majority of
people
 have not changed the way they live. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the most significant reasons for
this
 issue by mentioning some examples. Nowadays, most
people
 are very busy with their lives focusing on their problems, which causes the situation that they do not even think about what is happening in the environment.
For instance
, most
people
 work at least 6 to 8 hours a day, which is why in their free
time
 they just rest and spend
time
 with their families.
Moreover
, those
people
 do not have enough
time
 to
go
Verb problem
apply
show examples
search for the right information about environmental issues and consider what they can do about it. Another critical point is that it would be helpful if the government would pay more attention to
this
 issue and educate society about
this
. To elaborate more, society is likely to put more action if
people
 become more environmentally conscious.
For example
, most men and women will not find accurate data themselves
as a result
 of not reliable sources, which is why it is so crucial to raise
people
's awareness. In conclusion, I am convinced that many
people
 will do a lot more to protect the environment if the government educates society more about the new controversial problems.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
this
 education should be
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
optimized way because of the little leisure
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
.
Add a missing verb
have.
show examples
Submitted by davoodabadimelika on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction includes a clear thesis statement outlining the main points to be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences that provide concrete examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Work on creating clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to establish a strong logical flow.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task, ensuring that each question is answered comprehensively with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs effectively.
coherence cohesion
Aim for a more developed conclusion that reinforces your position and summarizes the main points provided in the essay.
task achievement
Incorporate a more detailed analysis and a variety of perspectives to enrich the content and depth of your response.
task achievement
Try to expand on your examples by illustrating how the proposed solutions could be implemented in practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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