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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

People used to live in the same city throughout their lives, but now they change where they live several times. What is the cause? Do you think it is a positive or negative trend?

#people #city #lives #change #times #trend
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In the past,
people
Use synonyms
 lived in the same place their whole lives. Nowadays, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 relocate multiple times. In the remainder of
this
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 essay, some causes will be explored and a logical conclusion will be drawn
at the end
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. One possible cause of
this
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 trend is the lack of opportunities for young adults.
Firstly
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, young
individuals
Use synonyms
 in cities with a growing population have a harder time finding work prospects.
This
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 is especially true in smaller areas.
For example
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, I moved to Panama City at 23 years old because I could not find a job
i
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 my hometown.
Additionally
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, as a young
person
Add a comma
person,
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 I found
this
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 city exciting.
In contrast
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, my father worked for 30 years in
same
Add an article
the same
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 company. Others move from the countryside to big cities to access higher quality education unavailable in their hometowns.
Thus
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,
this
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 trend allows
people
Use synonyms
 to find options for professional
develop
Replace the word
development
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 or education. Another key factor is the natural disasters that occur in certain regions.
To begin
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 with, many cities are exposed
at
Change preposition
to
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 natural risk and after some
events
Add a comma
events,
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 many
individuals
Use synonyms
 migrate to other places.
For instance
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, in Mexico City after the earthquake of
2017
Add a comma
2017,
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 a large number of
people
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 moved to small towns in order to avoid similar experiences. What is more, thanks to climate change governments expect that many
individuals
Use synonyms
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 migrate multiple times in order to escape from places with extreme climate conditions.
This
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 phenomenon can lead to
new
Add an article
a new
the new
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 wave of migration for humans. Clearly,
move
Change the form of the verb
moving
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 to other
location
Fix the agreement mistake
locations
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 should be positive for
people
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 in areas at natural risk. In conclusion, nowadays
people
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 move frequently driven by many
factor
Change the noun form
factors
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as economic opportunities and natural events. I believe that
this
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 is a positive development because it increases the options
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve goals and build a better life.
Submitted by alequech on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs present a clear main idea and that they all support the overall argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure your essay follows a logical sequence, but avoid overuse which can lead to a mechanical feel.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structures to avoid run-on sentences or fragments, contributing to the clarity and flow of your paragraphs.
task achievement
It's essential to fully explore and support your main ideas with detailed and relevant examples, ensuring you address all parts of the task.
task achievement
Take the opportunity to showcase a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to demonstrate your language proficiency.
task achievement
A clear position should be presented and maintained throughout the response. Ensure your opinion is consistent and directly addresses the questions posed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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