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Band 4

An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healtg #care #costs
The lecture disagrees with the ideas described in the passage on the topic of advantages of a smart
car
 which is a
car
that is
 driven by advanced
technology
 without human controlling for the following reasons. First of all, despite the
technology
 of the smart
car
 is able to find obstacles on roads by its sensors and avoid those things to decrease accidents, as a matter of fact, many systems could be error occasionally.
Moreover
, because of the easier driving provided by
technology
 will cause more people to use their personal cars for travelling.
For
this
 reason, there will be more cars on the railways. In
this
 case, the advanced
technology
 is not likely to reduce the rate of accidents.
Additionally
, in case of an increasing number of drivers on the road, the circumstance will be more difficult to decrease
car
 congestion as well.
Lastly
, even though
car
 parts will be able to be used longer because
smart
Add an article
the smart
a smart
show examples
car
 is capable of choosing direct routes to drive, there is still a cost to acquire the
technology
, or the sensor control at first.
Besides
, the maintenance for the smart
car
 could be more extremely expensive than conventional
car
 parts.
Therefore
, it is not reasonable to point out that smart cars are good for financial conditions.
Submitted by kanittha.sma on

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coherence cohesion
Work to clearly define your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. An essay requires a distinct introduction leading into the topic, developed paragraphs that support your points, and a conclusive ending that summarizes your argument. The current structure lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with at least one specific example and explanation. It is not enough to list a reason; you must support it with specific information or scenarios that illustrate your point, which was partly lacking in this essay.
task achievement
The task response should fully address the prompt. Your essay seems to deviate from the expected topic of childhood obesity and the consequent problems; instead, it discusses smart cars. Ensure your essay is directly relevant to the given prompt and addresses it fully.
task achievement
Include specific examples and data to support your arguments. When discussing issues like health problems or societal costs, providing evidence such as statistics or studies adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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