An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healtg #care #costs

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The lecture disagrees with the ideas described in the passage on the topic of advantages of a smart

car

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which is a

car

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that is

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driven by advanced

technology

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without human controlling for the following reasons. First of all, despite the

technology

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of the smart

car

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is able to find obstacles on roads by its sensors and avoid those things to decrease accidents, as a matter of fact, many systems could be error occasionally.

Moreover

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, because of the easier driving provided by

technology

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will cause more people to use their personal cars for travelling.

For

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this

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reason, there will be more cars on the railways. In

this

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case, the advanced

technology

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is not likely to reduce the rate of accidents.

Additionally

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, in case of an increasing number of drivers on the road, the circumstance will be more difficult to decrease

car

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congestion as well.

Lastly

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, even though

car

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parts will be able to be used longer because

smart

Add an article

the smart

a smart

show examples

car

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is capable of choosing direct routes to drive, there is still a cost to acquire the

technology

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, or the sensor control at first.

Besides

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, the maintenance for the smart

car

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could be more extremely expensive than conventional

car

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parts.

Therefore

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, it is not reasonable to point out that smart cars are good for financial conditions.

Submitted by kanittha.sma on Sat Nov 18 2023

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coherence cohesion

Work to clearly define your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. An essay requires a distinct introduction leading into the topic, developed paragraphs that support your points, and a conclusive ending that summarizes your argument. The current structure lacks a clear introduction and conclusion.

coherence cohesion

Develop each main point with at least one specific example and explanation. It is not enough to list a reason; you must support it with specific information or scenarios that illustrate your point, which was partly lacking in this essay.

task achievement

The task response should fully address the prompt. Your essay seems to deviate from the expected topic of childhood obesity and the consequent problems; instead, it discusses smart cars. Ensure your essay is directly relevant to the given prompt and addresses it fully.

task achievement

Include specific examples and data to support your arguments. When discussing issues like health problems or societal costs, providing evidence such as statistics or studies adds credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

214 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result many problems when they grow older both in terms of their health and healtg care costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that individuals are becoming more dependent on each other in modern society, while others believe that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled. They say that the only way to increase recyclying is for governments to make it a legal requirement. To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?

How to prevent social media bullying? Problem sollution

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In most successful organizations, some people believe that communication between managers and workers is important, other people said that other factors are more important. What is your opinion?