IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

#nations #wealth #food #education #responsibility #governments #citizens
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The world has reached a point where there’s a huge gap between developed societies and poor ones. Some people agree with the idea that affluent
regions
Use synonyms
 must share resources with poor
regions
Use synonyms
 and others disagree. I will illustrate the different perspectives in
this
Linking Words
 essay and whether developed societies should share their wealth with poor ones or not.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, poor
countries
Use synonyms
 have the first responsibility to improve the infrastructure and
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 situation. It’s undoubtedly true that they can’t satisfy all their people's needs,
however
Linking Words
, they must distribute their income on the most basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as education, food and health.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, rich
regions
Use synonyms
 should share the experience they gained from their journey to wealth and civilization
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 poor
regions
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can be done through economic assistance or
carrying
Change preposition
by carrying
show examples
 out joint projects in developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to accelerate their economic growth.
This
Linking Words
 will help relieve global challenges like illegal migration. Developed
countries
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 offer scholarships and grants for distinguished students of poor communities to give them a chance to improve their lives.
This
Linking Words
 will help create a new world full of equity. It’s the responsibility of developing
countries
Use synonyms
 to work hard to have a better future for the people. That doesn’t deny the fact that developed
countries
Use synonyms
 play an important role
to help
Change preposition
in helping
show examples
 accelerate these
countries
Use synonyms
’ growth in all aspects.
This
Linking Words
 collaboration will help create a world full of love and kindness.
Submitted by shadyrafat60 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points of the discussion, while the conclusion needs to summarize your arguments succinctly and coherently.
logical structure
Aim for logical progression of ideas and ensure that each main point is elaborated on. Transition between each of the paragraphs smoothly.
supported main points
Develop your arguments with clear and specific examples, figures, or case studies to illustrate your points. General statements should be minimized and your ideas need to be fleshed out with concrete details.
complete response
Make sure to address the entire prompt thoroughly and not skew towards one aspect of the discussion. Address both views fully before presenting your own opinion to meet the task requirements effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and elaborate on key ideas to bring forth a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph builds upon the last.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate more real-life examples to substantiate your claims and validate your arguments. A rich variety of examples gives the essay more depth and helps in achieving a higher band score.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • global stability
  • economic self-sufficiency
  • sustainable development
  • capacity-building
  • foreign aid
  • mutual benefits
  • trade relations
  • long-term outcomes
  • dependency
  • moral obligation
  • alleviate poverty
  • humanitarian assistance
  • resource allocation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: