Some people say History is the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science & technology are more important than History

In my opinion, I think every subject is important for us. We have to learn everything through our
pas
Correct your spelling
past
show examples
, present and
future
. Some
people
say that
History
is one of the most important school subjects it’s true but it has to go
along with
today’s world which is
Science
and
Technology
. How can we move without our
history
, the
people
behind us “The ancient
people
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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the most powerful
people
who
pushes
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push
show examples
us to move forward. They taught us how to fire a light, how to find
a food
Remove the article
food
a portion of food
show examples
, how to live with other
and
Correct word choice
apply
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animals, how to survive and others. Of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
we would not know that without them.
Science
and
Technology
are important too. They give us
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to move forward with them. Without them, we are just a normal human being. We spend our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
with no added value. Without them, we have no light, we have no food, we have no comfortable stuff and things. Old
people
can survive without these things. Human creates a lot of invention to give
an unlimited wants
Correct the article-noun agreement
unlimited wants
an unlimited want
show examples
of
people
based on a limited government. May I
gives
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give
show examples
one example of the development of
science
and
technology
. With
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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two things, it
give
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gives
show examples
us
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to be a member of
ASEAN
Correct article usage
the ASEAN
show examples
“Association of South East Asia
Nation
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Nations
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” we can be able to communicate with the other nine countries with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
technology
. It helps
is
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
to be a team with the other 9 countries to develop our country. Help us in terms of transportation, communication, collaboration and so on. It can definitely hold on to that hope that in the near
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
overall
economics can totally
achieves
Wrong verb form
achieved
show examples
. It is a fact that the
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
of the ASEAN have differences in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
of political standing, culture and traditions but it’s not a problem with our help. I know that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
a bright
future
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
waiting for all of us and
that is
a reason why
History
,
Science
and
Technology
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
important. We use
history
to learn about others, their culture and their tradition to
be understand
Change the verb form
be understood
show examples
by each other more and more. And sing
science
and
technology
to help us, our country, our world to
be moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
forward, to help each other and to give a bright
chances
Correct the article-noun agreement
chance
show examples
and
future
for everyone, especially kids give a chance
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to study, to go to school, to get knowledge so the next ten years, twenty years to the new upcoming year all of them can help each other to pass these chances to others.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction lacks an effective hook and thesis statement. Consider delineating your viewpoint clearly and providing a roadmap for the arguments you intend to discuss. Make certain the introduction aligns with the assertions made in the essay's body.
logical structure
While your essay conveys personal conviction, the ideas could be better structured. Aim to use a clear paragraph structure, with topic sentences that introduce the paragraph's main idea, followed by explanation and example. This will assist the reader in following your argumentation more effectively.
complete response
The essay generally adheres to the topic but could benefit from a more exhaustive exploration of the contrast between History, Science and Technology. You should strive to address the prompt more fully by exploring why some individuals emphasize the importance of History over Science and Technology and vice versa. Sufficient examples and explanations must substantiate your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Develop clarity and depth in your ideas by avoiding overgeneralization and by focusing on specificity. Rather than making broad assertions, provide concrete examples and detailed explanations to enhance your argument's persuasive power.
relevant specific examples
You have attempted to utilize examples, but they are often too general or lack specificity. Aim to provide concrete and relevant instances from real-life that illustrate your points effectively. This can include citing historical events, technological milestones, or modern-day scenarios that demonstrate the importance of these subjects.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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