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Band 4.5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of university?

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is that people tend to think that graduates should be provided with the comprehension and skills which they will need in their workplace.
However
, others think that the real responsibility of a university is to give access to knowledge, no matter
the
Correct word choice
whether the
show examples
 course is important for
employer
Correct article usage
the employer
show examples
 or not. It is undeniable that education has become an essential part of our life. A commonly held belief is that universities do not teach subjects in a proper way. As evidence of
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 they point to graduates
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 cannot find a job with their diplomas.
Furthermore
, work providers are sure that the
students
 after graduation know nothing about their profession. It could be explained by the fact that nowadays
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of young people are unemployed. As for me, I would say that Universities should provide more working practices rather than teaching them all year round.
Moreover
, it would be better if they
do
Verb problem
made
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 some agreements with company representatives about
further
Correct article usage
the further
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 employment of those
students
.
On the other hand
, some people claim that the
students
 themselves need to try their best to study more about their
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
. The explanation lies in the fact that if somebody wants to succeed in his life, there are huge opportunities.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with the proverb saying that "there is no gain without pain". In conclusion, taking everything mentioned into account I would argue that the main function of the universities is to provide knowledge
students
 can use in their 
further
 lives.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay reflects an attempt to address the question, but the response is somewhat general and lacks specific examples to fully support the points made. To achieve a higher score, be sure to include clear, relevant examples that are directly linked to the main points. This will help illustrate the arguments and substantiate the claims made.
coherence and cohesion
The essay shows the use of paragraphs, which is good for structure, but the progression of ideas could be improved. Aim to develop a clearer logical sequence that guides the reader through your argument with defined topic sentences and cohesive devices. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of your response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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