The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers

The chart below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers
The graph shows the main reasons for
study
in
students
of different
age
groups, and how much support they receive from their employers. The
age
group ranges from under 26 to over 49.
Overall
, the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
in the younger
age
groups tend to
study
for
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
.
Conversely
,
student
Add an article
a student
show examples
in the older
age
group
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
to
study
according to
their interest. Interestingly, the support that they receive from employers
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more when they are still young and already very old. The percentage of
students
that
study
for
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
decreases as they get older: accounting for 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
students
under 26
years
old; 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
students
between 26 and 29; 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for those between 30 and 39
years
old; 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for those between 40 and 49
years
old; and 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for those over 49
years
old respectively.
However
, the percentage of
working
Add a hyphen
working-age
show examples
age
people that
study
for interest continues to increase as they get older from only 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for
students
under 26 to 70
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
for employees over 49
years
old. For support that employers give
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to be more for employees under 26
years
old and workers over 49
years
old, accounting for 65 and 45
percent
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
order.
This
is most likely
due to
the
age
group under 26 still being able to
study
more until they can perform well at work, and giving the ones over 49 a newer mindset that
also
gives them more ideas to better manage the workplace.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words study, students, age, percent, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Adult education
  • Career advancement
  • Personal enrichment
  • Academic pursuits
  • Upskilling
  • Reskilling
  • Educational attainment
  • Tuition reimbursement
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Work-study balance
  • Financial assistance
  • Professional growth
  • Study leave
  • Employee retention
  • Workforce development
  • Time management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivational factors
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