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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one are of Britain. The police shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisions where relevant.

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one are of Britain. The police shows where the money came from and the charts show how it was distributed. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisions where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates the distribution
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
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 for several
police
Use synonyms
 spending
money
Use synonyms
 for 2017 and 2018 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Britain.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the table gives information
that
Change preposition
on
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 the way
money
Use synonyms
 comes
for
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from
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 several sources. As a whole, It was clear that the
budget
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 in 2017 was more expensive than
account
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the account
an account
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 in 2018.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the highest source in the two years was the National Government.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
police
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 had distributed
money
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 to pay several officers and staff.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, 2017 to 2018 had an increased
budget
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such
Linking Words
 as the National government, Local taxes, and Other grants were increased to 2.3 euro, 11.1 euro, and 0.5 euro, respectively. Meanwhile, the highest
budget
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 came from the National government had more than 50 per cent of the total
police
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budget
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 each year. In terms of the demonstrated
police
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budget
Use synonyms
 in the Britain Region, we can see
the
Correct article usage
a
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 larger proportion for salaries, which the
money
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had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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distributed reached account of 75% in 2017 and 69% in 2018.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it was clear that the focus spent
money
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 in 2017 to pay the officers and staff but
also
Linking Words
 in 2018, the salaries were decreased and the spending
money
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Change preposition
on
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for
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on
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 technology was increased, where the values were 8% and 14% in 2017 and 2018, respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, police, budget with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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