IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children do not respect their parents as much as they did in the past. This behaviour is now having a negative impact on society.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #respect #parents #behaviour #impact #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that idealism should be practised from childhood. There are people who believe that nowadays youngsters do not respect their
parents
 compared to old times, which is detrimental to the community. In
this
 essay, I will explain my support
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 view. One of the significant causes of
this
 issue is
parents
 have less bond with their children compared to the past. They are busy with a fast contemporary lifestyle and do not have reasonable time to spend with their kids. To illustrate, In my childhood, we
had been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
spent our ancestral home at least twice a year and
every
Change preposition
on every
show examples
 special
occasions
Change to a singular noun
occasion
show examples
.
Furthermore
, lack of communication is
also
 a vital issue, the
parents
 have
communication
Correct article usage
a communication
show examples
 gap between the youngster which lead to disrespect and arguments.
Influence
Correct article usage
The influence
show examples
 of social website and video games which has unpleasant content is detrimental to the family
as well as
 the society.
For example
, there are hundreds of YouTube channels targeting youngsters
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
included
Replace the word
including
show examples
 the contents against
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
family setup and promoting an independent lifestyle for the juveniles. The absence of
Correct article usage
a
show examples
sufficient system screening the contents of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social website which is targeting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngster
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 new generations. In conclusion, Nowadays there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
increasing
Change the word
increasingly
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unpleasant behaviour from adolescents towards
the
Change the word
their
show examples
parents
. The communication gap and lack of intimacy between them are the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 behind
this
.
Influence
Correct article usage
The influence
show examples
 of social media
also
 contributes to
this
.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a fair degree of organization and structure. However, the logical flow between ideas could be enhanced to ensure a more cohesive reading experience.
coherence cohesion
While there is an attempt to introduce the topic and provide a conclusion, it would be beneficial to create a sharper thesis statement and a more comprehensive summary of the main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present but need further development and clearer support through more specific examples or detailed explanations.
task achievement
The essay meets the task at a basic level, but a more complete and detailed response is required. Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed thoroughly.
task achievement
Ideas are somewhat clear, but further detail and explanation would enhance the comprehensiveness of the essay. Strive to fully develop your points to express clear and comprehensive ideas.
task achievement
Specific examples are lacking in your essay. Relevant and detailed examples are crucial to support your ideas and demonstrate an understanding of the essay topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: