IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the authority has been investing a lot of capital in entertainment
such
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 as music,
arts
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, and cinema.
Although
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 some argue that the
government
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 should invest assets in public
services
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 like
transportation
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, education, water, food, and many more. I completely agree with
this
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 viewpoint. It will be elaborated on in
this
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 essay with relevant examples.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, the
government
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 has to take priority and invest in public
transportation
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 systems for better communication and easy access for people.
For instance
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, in Toronto, many individuals are relying on public
transportation
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 like subways, buses, and the GO train for their daily activities, and many employees are running late because of the lack of frequency of buses and subways. The lawmakers have to build more subway stations for easy and fast
transportation
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.
Therefore
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, the
government
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 should mainly focus on public
services
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 rather than music and the
arts
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.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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,
arts
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 and other things, which entertain the public, are
also
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 essential for attracting more tourists, but they require a huge amount of money, which is not necessary compared to public facilities.
For example
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, recently in India, the
government
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 has invested thousands of crores INR to build the Statue of Unity.
In addition
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, the authority spends a lot of money to maintain that art.
As a result
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, some primary factors remain as they are without successful completion.
Thus
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, public facilities are more important than the
arts
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, so the
government
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 has to invest in public
services
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the authority should not overlook an individual's necessities
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
 entertainment.
However
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, I believe that investment in public
services
Use synonyms
 would be beneficial to develop the nation, which is automatically helpful to build other things.

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task response
For task response, your answer is clear and you give your opinion from the start. This is good. To get a higher score, explain your main ideas more fully and show why public services are more important in a deeper way.
task response
For task response, your examples are relevant, but they need to connect more directly to your main point. Try to explain each example step by step and show exactly how it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear overall plan with an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This helps the reader follow your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some sentences are too long or not linked in a smooth way. Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and as a result. Make sure each sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep one main idea in each paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow and stronger.
task response
You answer the question and clearly agree with the idea. This is a strong point for task response.
task response
You use real examples like Toronto and India. This makes your essay more specific and more interesting.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has both an introduction and a conclusion. This is good for coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow. The reader can understand your main point in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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