IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some say
individuals
Use synonyms
 should accept the
situation
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 they are in,
while
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 others argue that
people
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 should try to better their circumstances.
This
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 essay would argue that
although
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people
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 will be less stressed if they do not need to think too much, having a goal
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
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's lives better. On the one hand,
individuals
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 will be less exhausted if they do not think about improving their current
situation
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.
This
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 is because when
people
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 want to change their social circumstances, they
need
Add the particle
need to
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 make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
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, and
this
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 causes stress.
Then
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, by accepting their
situation
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,
people
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 do not need to worry about their problems. Having a simpler lifestyle makes
people
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 feel more happy and enjoy their life with what they have. Recent research concluded that approximately 31% of homeless
people
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 are happier than successful employees,
this
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 is because they have to work hard every day which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them feel exhausted,
while
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 homeless
people
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 are more free and their happiness
are
Change the verb form
is
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 easier to satisfy.
However
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, I believe that
people
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 should try to get out of bad situations because there are problems that can't be solved without money,
such
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 as health problems.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who have a goal, are more probably to have better lives.
This
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 is because knowing the meaning of their lives, they are more motivated. So,
individuals
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 will try hard to improve their
situation
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, no matter the conditions. Objectives are the reason why
people
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 work hard
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and make
individuals
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 stronger and more difficult to be defeated by failures.
For instance
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, in a Chinese TV program in which
people
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 were asked the reason why they were working so hard, most of them said that they wanted to have a better and carefree life and most of them, achieved it. I believe that
people
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 should try their best
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since no one
know
Change the verb form
knows
show examples
 what they can gain from trying. In conclusion,
although
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 remaining in their own status
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
people
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 to be more exhausted, having objectives can improve their living conditions, and I,
therefore
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 believe,
that is
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 better for
individuals
Use synonyms
 to try to improve their situations.

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introduction conclusion present
A clear introduction setting the stage for the discussion was missing. It's essential to paraphrase the question effectively and present a thesis statement that outlines the essay's direction.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay could be improved by providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph. The transition between ideas should be smooth, ensuring that the reader can follow the argument without effort.
supported main points
Main points are supported, but the supporting sentences sometimes do not directly relate back to the main idea of the paragraph. This can be improved by maintaining a consistent focus on the topic sentence throughout the paragraph.
complete response
Although the task is generally achieved, the response does not fully address all aspects of the task. Both views and your opinion should be discussed equally. Make sure your own opinion is clear and well supported.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas presented in the essay are somewhat clear but occasionally lack depth. Consider developing ideas more thoroughly by explaining the rationale behind opinions and expanding on the implications.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are present, but some of them lack a direct link to the argument, such as the reference to homeless people and happiness. Examples should be chosen carefully to clearly support the argument being made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
What to do next:
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