IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #funds #services
n developed countries the public service problems have been solved for years but I think developing countries should pay more attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 public
services
such
 as transportation, health
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
show examples
, energy supply and so on, because they are more
imporatnt
Correct your spelling
important
 than cultural
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 like music and theatre. Investment in public service will help
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 to remake and shape its mechanism by moderating financial trades and cash flows
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 scale.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand, public
services
 are used for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time and they are not just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
 projects for short
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 of time,
Also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
people
 use them
everyday
Correct your spelling
every
show examples
 in their normal
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, it is
obviouse
Correct your spelling
obvious
 that
people
 can not
tollerate
Correct your spelling
tolerate
 politics which have not seen their daily needs, they will protest and show their requests in
differnet
Correct your spelling
different
 behaviours. In
Correct article usage
an exagerated
show examples
exagerated
Correct your spelling
exaggerated
 case, there could be
a social phenomena
Correct the article-noun agreement
a social phenomenon
social phenomena
show examples
 for countries. So, all
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 would rather consider public
services
 as
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 politics. They try to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 more money on public
prorjects
Correct your spelling
projects
 which
gives
Correct subject-verb agreement
give
show examples
governments
 great social support. we can see
these attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
this attention
show examples
 in
social
Change the word
socially
show examples
democrated
Correct your spelling
democratic
governments
 and
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 version of that in Switzerland which has the most level of facility
that is
 happened by paying attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 social activities and
publice
Correct your spelling
public
services
.
However
, when a society have handled public service, they can consider other activities especially
cultural
Correct pronoun usage
cultural ones
show examples
.
Governments
 as the representative of their
people
 should support their history
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 level,
people
 expect that their history and culture should be protected and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
it will not happen without
Correct article usage
the governments
show examples
governments
Change noun form
governments'
government's
show examples
 helps.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction & Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are fundamental to presenting a well-rounded argument. Ensure you begin with an introductory statement that paraphrases the question and outline your standpoint, and conclude with a summarizing paragraph that encapsulates your key points and restates your position.
Logical Structure
You need to work on the logical flow of your essay. Your ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea supported by examples or explanations. Transition words and phrases should be used to connect ideas and paragraphs, thereby guiding the reader through your argument.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses the task given. You need to provide a balanced discussion on both views presented by the question before giving your opinion. This includes providing relevant examples to support your points and demonstrating the ability to compare and contrast different ideas effectively.
Examples & Support
Your writing would benefit from more specific examples to support your claims. General statements need to be substantiated with concrete, relevant examples that demonstrate your understanding of the topic and add weight to your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural heritage
  • public services
  • economic benefits
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • equitable access
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • prioritize
  • essential services
  • healthcare
  • education
  • tourism
  • global recognition
  • holistic development
  • mutually exclusive
  • philanthropy
  • subsidize
  • infrastructure
  • socio-economic status
  • altruistic
  • civic engagement
  • aesthetics
  • civic pride
  • utilitarian
What to do next:
Look at other essays: