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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

as communication technology develops, it changes the way we communicate with friends and family members compared to the past. Do you think this has more advantages and disvantages?

#communication #technology #changes #friends #members #disvantages
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Communication
 methods
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 immersively changed in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decade.
As a result
 of
information
Add an article
the information
an information
show examples
 technology revolution,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family and friends has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed. In my view, modern
techiniques
Correct your spelling
techniques
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 more advantages than traditional methods. First and foremost, contemporary
communication
 technology is more convenient than the traditional methods.
Invention
Add an article
The invention
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 of
communication
 devices
are
Verb problem
has
show examples
 improved
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
 among family and friends.
For example
, parents can communicate with their
aborad
Rephrase
apply
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studing
Correct your spelling
studying
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 using
vedio
Correct your spelling
video
 calls are easier than mail.
In contrast
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mails
Correct your spelling
emails
show examples
 are used to
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 between friends and family
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which can only convey limited
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
.
Furthemore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
communication
 using modern devices would convey emotional feelings, which might help to improve the bonding between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
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distance
Correct article usage
a distance
show examples
.
The
Correct article usage
Communication
show examples
communication
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 faster is
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another significant advantage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
communication
 techniques.
The
Correct article usage
Information
show examples
information
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
based
Verb problem
apply
show examples
communication
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 to reach your messages to
Correct article usage
the intented
show examples
intented
Correct your spelling
intended
 persons within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 seconds.
For example
, the
information
 about the school
pick up
Add a hyphen
pick-up
show examples
cchange
Correct your spelling
change
 can be passed to the children within
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 seconds using mobile phones.
In contrast
, the
mails
Fix the agreement mistake
mail
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
used to
communcate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 in past decades would
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 several
day
Change to a plural noun
days
show examples
 to reach its destination. In conclusion,
Information
technology based
Add a hyphen
technology-based
show examples
communication
 has several advantages
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the traditional way, convenience and faster delivery
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the most significant advantages. In my view,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
communication
 has more
advatages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 than
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

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task response
Be sure to address all parts of the question. While you have presented an argument, the balance between advantages and disadvantages is not fully developed.
coherence cohesion
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. At times, the phrasing and sentence structure are convoluted, which affects comprehension.
task response
While you mentioned some examples, more specificity will strengthen your arguments.
task response
Provide a more nuanced perspective by incorporating counterarguments or potential disadvantages, even if your stance is that the advantages outweigh them.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by using clear topic sentences and cohesive devices effectively.
coherence cohesion
Carefully proofread your essay to avoid grammatical errors and ensure the proper use of vocabulary.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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