In order to solve traffic jams and home problems, people believe that it can be solved by removing companies, factories and employees to country side. To what extend do you agree?

#traffic #jams #home #people #companies #factories #employees #country #side

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An increasingly gigantic number of

companies

and industries cause traffic jams and dwelling issues. Some

people

claim that those problems could be overcome by relocating them

into

Change preposition

show examples

rural

areas

. I agree with the point of view, as

this

might bring some positive effects on

environment

Correct article usage

the environment

show examples

and economy in both

areas

To begin

with, it is an indisputable fact that

Change preposition

apply

show examples

replacing big-modern corporations and factories

from

Change preposition

show examples

modern

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

countryside

Correct article usage

the countryside

show examples

could solve the traffic congestion and housing problems.

This

is because the reduction of cars and space

contribute

Correct subject-verb agreement

contributes

show examples

more to

decrease

Wrong verb form

decreasing

show examples

the traffic

communting

Correct your spelling

commuting

time, and might provide

people

with good facilities. It

also

will reduce the air pollution in the

city

significantly, so that society living in a big area could have

healthier-fresh

Correct your spelling

healthier fresh

show examples

air. Despite having insufficient workers in

city

Add an article

the city

show examples

, It will make the

city

activities much more balanced and healthier.

Furthermore

this

plan will offer more job opportunities for individuals who live in rural

areas

. Because of relocating modern

companies

and industries,

people

will not only find

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

easily, but

also

increase their economy swiftly.

Thus

, relocating those industry activities will cut down meticulously the rate of unemployment. Another beneficial effect is the rural economy will increase constantly

due to

the availability of industries and

companies

in the

areas

. To exemplify, young

people

, living in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

rural

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

with

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of job opportunities, can easily get hired since

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

commercial

companies

require miscellaneous employees to

fulfil

Verb problem

fill

show examples

several positions

Change preposition

apply

show examples

. (Give an elaboration of the example!!) In conclusion, in spite of cutting the number of employees in the

city

, I strongly believe that moving

companies

and industrial activities provides huge benefits in reducing the amount of cities' pollution and dilating the

jobs'

Change noun form

jobs

show examples

opportunities for citizens in

countryside

Add an article

the countryside

show examples

Submitted by musa.nuwa on Mon Nov 20 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay does not follow a clear and logical progressions of ideas, you should use paragraphs and linking words more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion; however, they are very brief and could be developed further for clarity and emphasis on your stance.

coherence cohesion

While your main points are present, they lack in-depth development and supporting details. Elaboration on examples, especially, is needed to fortify your argument.

task achievement

The response is not fully complete since the prompt demands a discussion of to what extent you agree with the statement. Phrases indicating the degree to which you agree or disagree must be included throughout the essay, especially in the conclusion.

task achievement

Your ideas are somewhat clear but they lack comprehensiveness. Include more developed explanations to clearly convey your points.

task achievement

The use of specific examples is limited and insufficient. Incorporate more detailed examples to substantiate your arguments and demonstrate your understanding of the topic.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

288 words

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In order to solve traffic jams and home problems, people believe that it can be solved by removing companies, factories and employees to country side. To what extend do you agree?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

TODAY MANY PEOPLE WORK UNTIL A LATE AGE. DO ADVANTAGES OUTWEIGH DISADVANTAGES. GIVE REASONS.

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Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths ang weaknesses. it is right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender ?

it is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sports or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. discuss both views and give your opinion.