IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The maps illustrate the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Grange
Park
 compared to 1920. The initial impression is that the seats all over the
park
 have been moved to the central area around the new rose garden and there is a new entrance in the southeast from the underground car
park
. As can be seen from the figures, the stage for musicians on the west side has been changed to an amphitheatre for concerts
that is
 bigger and has seats too. The fountain in the centre is deleted,
however
, there is a new water feature in the southeast, which used to be a glasshouse in 1920. One other thing, there is a café built on the right side of the Arnold Avenue entrance. In the northeastern corner, next to the café, the pond for water plants has been turned into the children's play area.
Overall
, the rose gardens and seats that used to be all around the
park
 before have been brought to the main area.
Furthermore
, there have been some changes, additions and removals.
Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a decent comparison of the park from the two different time periods, but lacks a clear introductory paragraph that sets out the purpose of the essay. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence, and there should be a conclusion that summarizes the comparison.
task achievement
While the essay attempts to describe the changes to the park, some descriptions are unclear or incomplete. Ensure the response is fully developed by describing all main features and providing clear examples. The overview should summarize the most significant changes, and details should be specific and accurately described.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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