IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to travel around town by car, while others prefer public transit such as bus, tr vocabulary orain, or subway. Discuss both these positions and give your own opinion.

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According to
 some
people
, the only means of
transport
 is a personal
car
whereas
 others prefer to commute from one place to another by public
transport
 like bus, train, or subway. In my opinion, the suitable option for transportation in cities should be public
transport
, not a personal
car
. Commute from one place to another depends upon
car
 only among the
people
 who are wealthy. In the cities, we can see a
lot
 of
people
travel
 every day by
car
. Commute by
car
 has a
lot
 of advantages
as well as
 disadvantages.
People
 who
travel
 by
car
 every day have the opportunity
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 reach their destination on
time
, especially
people
 who are going to the office or educational institutions. Travelling by
car
 saves their energy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
time
 and they can utilize their
time
 in productivity in their workplace.
For instance
, the majority of
people
 in the USA use the
car
 to
travel
 to their workplace and consider it convenient. Travelling by
car
 is safe, easy, comfortable and
time
-saving.
According to
 some masses, the
travel
 option is a bus, train or public
transport
.
Although
this
travel
 option is far cheaper than a personal
car
 it requires a
lot
 of
time
 on the road which kills the valuable
time
 of the passengers.
However
, there are advantages of commuting by public
transport
 because
while
 commuting they do not have to drive and they can utilize that
time
 reading books or taking phone calls.
For instance
, a
lot
 of
people
 in South Asian countries
travel
 by public
transport
 every day and they say though it is
time
-consuming they try to utilize their
time
.
Therefore
, I personally believe that travelling by public
transport
 is more beneficial than
car
.
To conclude
, travelling by public
transport
 or
car
 has its own benefits and drawbacks.
People
 choose it
according to
 their requirements
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
habits and convenience.
However
, I believe
travel
 by
transport
 is more fascinating and enjoyable.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Some points were abrupt and need better linking.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetition of ideas to maintain the reader's engagement and provide a more streamlined essay.
coherence cohesion
Integrate a wider range of cohesive devices to help bind ideas and paragraphs together for better fluidity.
task achievement
Offer a balanced discussion of both viewpoints and your own opinion with well-supported arguments and examples.
task achievement
Include examples that are specific, relevant, and effectively illustrate your points for stronger arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure for clarity and aim for a variety of complex sentence forms to demonstrate linguistic range.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarises the main points effectively and reflects a clear opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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