In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods . This is having a negative effects on both families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree

No one can deny that international fast
foods
are constantly on the rise
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
many countries. Even
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
population are enjoying international
foods
more than traditional
foods
. In
this
paragrph
Correct your spelling
paragraph
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
totally agree that
this
will lead to negative effects on both families and societies in health
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
show examples
,
as well as
on environmental concerns.
Firstly
, junk
food
made with high calories , fat and sugar
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
harmful to human health, resulting in, medical issues or illness.
For example
,
korean
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Korean
show examples
ramen and fried chicken are most enjoyable
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
teenagers in
this
period,which can link to
global
Add an article
a global
the global
show examples
increase in obesity, diabetes or other health issues, sometimes, leading to psychological distress.
Therefore
, both families and societies will have a huge impact on unhealthiness
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
to traditional
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
.
This
makes it clear that consuming
large
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a large
show examples
amount of junk
food
are
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is
show examples
bad for
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
and mind.
Secondly
, fast
food
production and packaging contribute significantly to environmental degradation.
For instance
,most of the packaging products from
oversea
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overseas
show examples
are made out of plastic materials ,so
this
can
be properly ship
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be properly shipped
show examples
to
another countries
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another country
other countries
show examples
.
Hence
, improper disposal of plastic waste can cause pollution to flora and fauna.
In contrast
, traditional
food
preparation methods may be more sustainable and eco-friendly.
This
becomes apparent that international junk
food
cause
Change the verb form
causes
show examples
more harm than traditional
food
. In conclusion,local
foods
are more healthy and
environmental
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environmentally
show examples
friendly than
import
Replace the word
imported
show examples
foods
.Obviously,
this
pre-packaging
food
will always have greater negative effects than positive effects,
therefore
, traditional
foods
should not be replaced by international fast
foods
.
Submitted by tifjong on

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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you are addressing all parts of the task. You should present a balanced argument that covers both sides if the task requires it. Your essay shows a clear inclination towards agreement but lacks depth in exploring counterarguments or acknowledging any potential positive aspects, which could lead to a more nuanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your main points. You should also work on developing your arguments with more logical explanations and providing specific examples from reliable sources to support your points. Additionally, aim to exhibit a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skills to further strengthen the coherence of your essay.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural identity
  • heritage
  • culinary practices
  • prevalent
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • diet-related health issues
  • economic challenges
  • street food vendors
  • family dynamics
  • on-the-go
  • environmental degradation
  • sustainable
  • eco-friendly
  • homogenization
  • foodscapes
  • agricultural diversity
  • biodiversity
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