In many countries traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods . This is having a negative effects on both families and societies . To what extent do you agree or disagree
No one can deny that international fast
foods
are constantly on the rise by
many countries. Even Change preposition
in
local
population are enjoying international Correct article usage
the local
foods
more than traditional foods
. In this
paragrph
, Correct your spelling
paragraph
i
totally agree that Change the capitalization
I
this
will lead to negative effects on both families and societies in health implication
, Fix the agreement mistake
implications
as well as
on environmental concerns.
Firstly
, junk food
made with high calories , fat and sugar are
harmful to human health, resulting in, medical issues or illness.Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For example
,korean
ramen and fried chicken are most enjoyable Change the capitalization
Korean
by
teenagers in Change preposition
for
this
period,which can link to global
increase in obesity, diabetes or other health issues, sometimes, leading to psychological distress.Add an article
a global
the global
Therefore
, both families and societies will have a huge impact on unhealthiness compare
to traditional Wrong verb form
compared
meal
.Fix the agreement mistake
meals
This
makes it clear that consuming large
amount of junk Change the article
a large
food
are
bad for Change the verb form
is
body
and mind.
Correct article usage
the body
Secondly
, fast food
production and packaging contribute significantly to environmental degradation.For instance
,most of the packaging products from oversea
are made out of plastic materials ,so Correct your spelling
overseas
this
can be properly ship
to Change the verb form
be properly shipped
another countries
.Replace the adjective
another country
other countries
Hence
, improper disposal of plastic waste can cause pollution to flora and fauna.In contrast
, traditional food
preparation methods may be more sustainable and eco-friendly.This
becomes apparent that international junk food
cause
more harm than traditional Change the verb form
causes
food
.
In conclusion,local foods
are more healthy and environmental
friendly than Change the adjective
environmentally
import
Replace the word
imported
foods
.Obviously, this
pre-packaging food
will always have greater negative effects than positive effects,therefore
, traditional foods
should not be replaced by international fast foods
.Submitted by tifjong on
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you are addressing all parts of the task. You should present a balanced argument that covers both sides if the task requires it. Your essay shows a clear inclination towards agreement but lacks depth in exploring counterarguments or acknowledging any potential positive aspects, which could lead to a more nuanced discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay needs clearer topic sentences to guide the reader through your main points. You should also work on developing your arguments with more logical explanations and providing specific examples from reliable sources to support your points. Additionally, aim to exhibit a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing skills to further strengthen the coherence of your essay.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.