The two pie charts illustrates the proportion of male and females in employment that are divided into six different field of occupations and are equally divided to manual and non-manual category in Great Britain in the year 1992.

The two pie charts illustrates the proportion of male and females in employment that are divided into six different field of occupations and are equally divided to manual and non-manual category in Great Britain in the year 1992.
The two pie charts
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
how many males and females are employed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar areas of jobs.
First,
what attracts attention,
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
the vast majority of both groups
works
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work
show examples
by
managerials
Correct your spelling
managers
and professionals. And the figures are close - 29 per
cent
for women and
thirty six
Add a hyphen
thirty-six
show examples
per
cent
for men respectively. But when we are talking about Craft or similar, the difference is huge. Only three in
hundred
Correct article usage
a hundred
show examples
females in comparison with just under one quarter of males
employ
Wrong verb form
employed
show examples
there,
that is
clear. And vice versa - in clerical and related, close to
third
Correct article usage
a third
show examples
are women and only 6 per
cent
are men. And the tiny minority of both are working by General
laborers
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labourers
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- 1 and two per
cent
. When we are analyzing the division in each sex area independent of others by
ascend
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ascending
show examples
, we see the next patterns: - male - the first three
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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are managerial and professional,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
Other manual are going and the
last
are craft or similar. - female - the overwhelming majority are clerical or related
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
managerial and professional and other manual.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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