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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
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The bar graphs show the number of
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 in the UK who chose other options
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 full-time work after graduating in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who have decided to
further
Linking Words
 their studies after graduating dominated the results. The rank between the two groups is the same with more than 60,000
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 6,000 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. In general,
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 outnumbered the result if compared to postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
. In 2008, 29,665
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 2,725 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 decided to continue their education after graduating
instead
Linking Words
 of searching for a full-time job. There are more than 15,000 and 2,500
students
Use synonyms
 (
graduate
Use synonyms
 and postgraduate respectively) who chose to do a part-time job
instead
Linking Words
 of becoming a full-time employee. More than 15,000
students
Use synonyms
 (16,235
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 1,625 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
) remain unemployed after finishing their studies in 2008. Only a few amounts of people (3,500
graduate
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 345 postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
) applied as a volunteer after leaving college.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "instead".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graduate, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
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