Does the educational success of a student depend on teacher or the attitude? Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Education has always played a vital role in
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
being
life. Nowadays, Unnecessary verb
apply
group
of people believe that mentors have a major impact on the success of students getting knowledge Correct article usage
a group
while
others think that it is more about students’ mindset. This
essay will compare the influence of educators’ proficiency against students’ attitudes.
Mentors always navigate in learning journey and steering
the educational ship with their knowledge and teaching methods. A teacher with a wide range of teaching styles, deep subject knowledge and Wrong verb form
steer
ability
to connect with students can ignite a passion for learning new stuff. Correct article usage
the ability
For example
, I clearly remember my physics teacher who used pictures, videos
to teach us and Correct word choice
and videos
therefore
physics become
Wrong verb form
became
favourite
subject for everyone. Add an article
a favourite
However
, the ability of a teacher to influence a students’
learning is inherently limited by students’ own engagement and wish to learn. Change noun form
student’s
Thus
, while
a teacher’s role is foundational, it is not a particular reason of
educational success.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, students’ personal attitude towards learning is a significant driving force. Well-motivated learners tend to dive deep into their studies and overcome difficulties
Correct article usage
the difficulties
which
they will face. Those who view education as a continuous process will always stay open to new ideas and skills. Correct word choice
that
This
lifelong learning attitude is essential in today's rapidly changing world, where adapting and learning vital part
of life. Fix the agreement mistake
parts
Hence
, people without any desires are not able to achieve something valuable in the
life
In conclusion, people put one aspect over another, but I strongly believe that students’ Correct article usage
apply
attitude
and teachers’ performance will impact equally well on students’ academic progress.Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
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Task Response
Your introduction sets the context reasonably well, but there is room to present a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both parts of the question (teachers' influence and students' attitudes).
Task Response
Ensure that each body paragraph presents a clear main idea that is discussed at length and directly relates to the points mentioned in your thesis.
Task Response
Provide specific examples to support your points. While you used a personal example related to your physics teacher, more varied and detailed examples will strengthen your argument.
Task Response
The conclusion effectively reiterates your stance, but it could further synthesize the main points discussed in the essay for a stronger impact.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each beginning with a topic sentence that expresses the main idea of the paragraph.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use logical connectors and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Doing so can help guide the reader through your arguments and reinforce the structure of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Vary your sentence structures to develop more complex grammatical constructs, which can enhance the quality of your writing and the clarity of communication.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
