IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart gives information on the percentage of women going into higher education in five countries for the years 1980 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #women #education #five #countries #years #summarise #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart provides
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about the percentage of
women
Use synonyms
 going into higher
studies
Use synonyms
 in the United Kingdom, The United States of America, Australia, South Korea and France for the years 1980 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the histogram that in 1980
women
Use synonyms
 opting for higher
studies
Use synonyms
 in different countries were lower,
when
Correct word choice
than
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 compared in 2015.
Moreover
Linking Words
, both in 1980 and 2015 had some fluctuations.
Although
Linking Words
women
Use synonyms
 in 1980
initially
Linking Words
 had a downward trend, eventually they rose higher
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
end of the year.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2015
women
Use synonyms
 going for higher
studies
Use synonyms
 was about 55% in the UK,
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
higher than in 1980 approximately 20%.
Then
Linking Words
 it rose to almost 60% in the
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 USA and Australia.
However
Linking Words
, the figure showed a deep decrease to 30% in South Korea and managed to escalate
around
Change preposition
to around
show examples
 55% in the country France.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 1980
women
Use synonyms
 preferring
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
higher
studies
Use synonyms
 was about 35% in the UK,
then
Linking Words
 the bar showed a steady growth for the following two countries approximately
around
Rephrase
apply
show examples
38% in the USA and 57% in Australia.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the bar chart displayed a sudden decrease to 15% in South Korea and made a significant impact on the country France ranging around 50%
at the end
Linking Words
.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, studies with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: