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Band 4.5

Nowadays people take photographs and record videos of their social activities. Why are they doing this? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this activity?

#people #photographs #record #videos #activities #activity
It is observed that a lot of
people
 accumulate their social life
record
Fix the agreement mistake
records
show examples
 with
photos
 and videos.
This
 essay will examine the causes of
this
 phenomenon and enumerate its merits and demerits
To begin
 with, there are a few reasons why more
people
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 taken
pictures
 of their lives. First and foremost, thanks to
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of technology, have not only cameras become prevalent but
also
its specification
Fix the agreement mistake
their specifications
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been sophisticated. Basically, all
people
 have
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
private cameras
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 smartphones.
Therefore
,
photogragh
Correct your spelling
photograph
photography
 has become easier and
accessible
Correct quantifier usage
more accessible
show examples
 to the public, unlike
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past when only professional photographers could deal with the gadgets.
Secondly
, it has become possible
that
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 copious number of
photos
are
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 saved simply on the online cloud and social network services. In the past,
people
 had to print out
pictures
 to look
them
Change preposition
at them
show examples
.
However
,
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 days it is available that
people
 can immediately save hundreds of
pictures
 in one file.
In addition
 to the grounds mentioned above, there are some benefits and drawbacks to
this
 trend. For one thing,
people
 can record their lives,
having
Change preposition
by having
show examples
 daily
photos
.
Hence
, when they look at the
photos
,
this
 medium can
lively
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apply
show examples
evoke good recollection, keeping details.
Furthermore
,
people
 can share their precious
mements
Correct your spelling
moments
mementoes
 with others through social media.
However
, a downside commonly put forward is that some
people
 are
obssessed
Correct your spelling
obsessed
 with
photograph
Fix the agreement mistake
photographs
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they upload
on
Correct pronoun usage
them on
show examples
 social media. Even that, they might hinder other
people
’s activities in order to congenial direct.
For instance
, other
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 should wait until someone who is driven by social media snaps. In conclusion,
people
 tend to take a lot of
pictures
 for several reasons related to technological developments. Aside from that,
this
 trend
also
 has advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by moonmond15 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure stronger logical structure by providing more connective phrases that enhance coherence. The essay seems slightly disjointed at places.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened with clearer thesis statements and summaries of main points.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed explanations and more varied examples; current support is adequate but lacks depth.
task achievement
Address the task more completely by discussing the 'whys' behind the behavior and 'how' it impacts individuals and society, rather than just 'that' it happens.
task achievement
Ideas need to be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Work on clarity of expression and depth of ideas to improve.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support the points made; it strengthens the argument and illustrates a better understanding of the topic.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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