IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Comparison between male and female participants doing physical activities in different aged group.

#comparison #participants #activities #group
The provided bar chart delineates the comparative participation in exercise across different
age
 groups for men and women in the year 2010.
Overall
, the data encompasses a comprehensive view of physical
activity
engagement
 among individuals aged 15 to 65 and over. Primarily, a trend emerges wherein
females
 across most
age
 groups exhibit a higher propensity for engaging in physical
activity
 compared to their male counterparts, barring the 15 to 24
age
 bracket. Notably, among individuals aged 65 and above, the participation rates in exercise demonstrate a near parity between genders, standing at 46.7% for men and 47.1% for women. The most pronounced
engagement
 in regular physical
activity
 is observed among males aged 15 to 24,
while
females
 in the 55 to 64
age
 group showcase the highest involvement, reaching 53%.
Conversely
, a dip in male participation is evident within the 35 to 44
age
 group, contrasting with the consistent
engagement
 of
females
 at nearly fifty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 across various
age
 brackets. Upon closer examination of the chart, a discernible pattern emerges revealing that with advancing
age
, both males and
females
 tend to prioritize health by consistently engaging in physical
activity
.
However
, a notable disparity persists between male and female
engagement
 levels across most
age
 cohorts.
Submitted by rezwanarimi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure your essay includes an introduction that clearly presents the topic and outlines the main points that will be discussed. Additionally, include a conclusion that summarizes the key findings or arguments presented in the essay.
logical structure
Develop a logical structure for your essay, with clear paragraphs that each focus on a specific aspect of the topic and use cohesive devices to link ideas and paragraphs effectively. Ensure that the transition between paragraphs and ideas is smooth and maintains the flow of the essay.
supported main points
Support your main points with relevant details and examples where necessary. Use data from the chart or diagram to provide evidence for your claims and add credibility to your analysis.
complete response
Address all parts of the task prompt in your essay to ensure a complete response. This includes comparing data where relevant and providing descriptions and explanations as required by the task.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas should be clear and comprehensive throughout the essay. Avoid overgeneralizations, and ensure that each paragraph conveys a single, well-developed idea.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate your points. Refer to the data presented in the chart directly, and avoid vague references that may not effectively support your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: