IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

The pie charts demonstrate the percentage of participant from different organizations in 2008 and 2014.

#percentage #participant #organizations
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the
participant
Replace the word
participation
show examples
 of organizations represents the largest portion of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
, sports, and
health
care
,
whereas
 art, education, and others
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 undoubtedly the smallest. Over and above that
health
care
 was the least popular throughout 2 years.
According to
 the illustration, the figure of volunteers in 2008, volunteering from educational topped the list with a percentage of 24%, slightly higher than environmental at 21%.
Furthermore
, the percentage of
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 in art
around
Add a missing verb
is around
show examples
 18%, as
resist
Verb problem
opposed
show examples
 to 15%
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sports and others. Meanwhile,
volunteers
Change noun form
volunteers'
volunteer's
show examples
 work in
health
care
 was only amounted to 7%.
On the other hand
,
sharp
Add an article
a sharp
the sharp
show examples
 increase in volunteering for environmental and sports organizations exactly 29% and a quarter in 2014. Which is
then
 followed by
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
around
Change preposition
at around
show examples
 17% and art
12
Change preposition
at 12
show examples
%. The lowest was followed by other kinds of volunteering
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 with 9%, making it slightly more well-known than
health
care
 at just 8%.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your essay effectively. The conclusion, in particular, must not introduce new information but rather summarize the main points made.
logical structure
It is essential to organize your essay with a logical sequence. This means having a smooth flow from one idea to the next, utilizing cohesive devices appropriately, and maintaining paragraphing disciplines throughout your writing.
supported main points
Develop your paragraphs with clear main ideas and support them with specific details or examples. It is important to fully round out the discussion of each main idea, avoiding statements that are too general.
complete response
The essay should adequately address all parts of the task, demonstrating an understanding of the requirements and answering all components of the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
Elaborate on your ideas in a clear and comprehensive way, ensuring that each point is well-explained and unambiguous. Ideas should be expanded on to fully convey their relevance and importance to the topic.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to substantiate your points, thus making your arguments more compelling and credible. Examples should be directly related to the points being made and clearly illustrate them.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: