It is difficult for people to get enough physical exercise in cities. What are the causes and solutions?
Nowadays, many
people
find it difficult to exercise
in their daily life
, especially those who live in cities. So in Fix the agreement mistake
lives
this
essay, we will explain what are the causes of the scarcity of activities and give some possible solutions to improve their physical exercise
.
Many reasons lead to citizens, especially young people
, difficulty getting enough exercise
. Firstly
, people
might have time
to do some sports after work because they may get tired after the long journey so the only thing they want is to lie over. A person who starts working at 8 a.m. and ends upat
6p.m. probably does not have the energy to do physical activities, Correct your spelling
at
up at
for instance
. Secondly
, workers opt to travel in public transportation or drive vehicles on their own to work or school rather than walking or cycling, therefore
they might do exercise
. Finally
, as the
technologies are so advanced nowadays, Correct article usage
apply
people
are spending most of their time
on electronic devices all day, such
as shopping online. This
leads citizens to find lazier due to
all the things that can be delivered to their homes.
Despite that less physical activity can lead to health issues and no socialisation with others, we can find solutions to it. Companies could shorten the working hours or have gyms in their workplace so employees can relax. Additionally
, a proposal of imposing laws to lower the use of private cars to encourage citizens to use public transport or share-bicycle will also
persuade them to do some exercise
. And as
a solution to the excessive use of smartphones, youths can set an average of Correct word choice
As
time
to devote to gadgets and after the time
consumed phone or any other devices call off. Therefore
, they could exercise
their body whether doing some sport or going out with friends and families.
Summarising, it is difficult today for people
, especially youngsters to get the right amount of exercise
in cities rather than those who live in small towns. A range of solutions can be implanted to promote doing sports.Submitted by rachel131 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. Consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
The main points of the essay are somewhat supported, but providing more specific examples and evidence would strengthen your arguments. Use real-world examples or data to support your points.
task achievement
You have addressed the task, however, the response needs to more fully develop each point of the argument. Expound on your ideas to provide a deeper analysis of the topic.
task achievement
Ideas are presented but could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for clarity and precision in language use.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant, but they are too general. You need to provide more specific and detailed examples to illustrate your points effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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