IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that government shoud only focus their spending on public services, and they cliam that spending on arts is a waste of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that everybody has the right to get a
university
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 education so the government must make it free to be bold and it is not
according to
Linking Words
 their financial ability. in my opinion, I totally agree with the statement because of the number of jobless and less
pressure
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 on the parents.
Firstly
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, The number of
people
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 who are employed will decrease.
In other words
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, if the employee finds that studying at
university
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 for free will provide a lot of
money
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 for them
consequently
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, they may start studying
afterword
Correct your spelling
afterwards
show examples
,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 move forward to find a job after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
studying.
Hence
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, they will get an opportunity to start studying and look for a job or work after that, so The rate of joblessness will have decreased significantly.
Secondly
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, in general,
people
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 who have children will get less
pressure
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.To clarify, if the government afford free studying for everyone regardless of families' need for
money
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, they will provide a lot of
money
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 for families and they will lessen the
pressure
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 on the parents ,so they would spend their own
money
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 on something
that is
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 a priority
such
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 registers in the institute in additional to the
University
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.
As a result
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 , they will get an additional education and it will be yield to them in a good way in the future.
To sum up
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,I certainly agree with
this
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 statement because of the list of the number of jobless and less
pressure
Use synonyms
 on parents.If, The government did not make studying at
University
Use synonyms
 for free the rate of the
people
Use synonyms
 who are unemployed would have increased significantly.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and logically progresses from one point to the next. Avoid abrupt transitions and check for sequence in presenting arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Include an introduction that clearly addresses the question and presents your argument. The conclusion should summarize your points without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Support each main point with specific examples or evidence. Generic statements without clear examples do not fully demonstrate your understanding or argument.
Task Achievement
Aim to fully answer the question by directly responding to all parts of the task. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay and that you develop each point sufficiently.
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